Hostage

You beat me
Bruises like this can't be seen
Can only be felt
Verbal lashings with your weapon of choice
MY PAST
Continually hanging me with my errors
Not to the point of death
But just to make the point that
You can kill me at anytime
Words slicing at the wrists of my self esteem
My sanity
Why should you watch what you say? It's my fault
You even have to say it?
Slapped in the face by reality of there is no escape
Because Stockholm syndrome now has me
Believing all that you've said
Maybe in death
I can be free
But what peace is that
If I was a woman there'd be commercials for this
Help for this
I'd be a victim
But since I'm not I deserve
Each blow
Each emotional 
Bruise
That I get up and put on the make up or confidence
Hoping rain or tears that love song doesn't
Make it run and the world see
What really happens behind closed doors
The drowning in a water board of tears
Over things that can't be changed 
Yet remain alive
While pieces of me die
From emotional starvation 
Fed while things are good, yet as soon
As a shoe drops
We're back to this
Back to
Being a hostage of my past