Hurting

I hurt,I hurt every morning,I hurt during the day,I hurt at night,Ive hurt for 21 years ever since your family came to visit us.You allowed them to disrespect me in my home they have since disrespected me whenever they wanted to. We broke up,we got back together but still the respect never came. We lived together,decades have passed but still no respect. I gave you my love but you spat in my face,I gave my kids but still it was nothing,no love,no respect no marriage. We continue to live together I cried,you never knew it hurt,hurt so deep. I promised no more,no more tears,not God's plan,pray be strong,it's gonna come,not today,not tomorrow but it will come.The tears don't return but lurking was anger,resentment it wouldn't leave,prayers no solace, falling, falling quickly. I call out, drowned no life guard,fight to surface,pushing thru the waves,heavy but pushing,a breath,and I breathe a new day. Clarity,no more darkness,take it back,a new life. Played,laughed,traveled,
happy?No,not complete,racing thoughts into the darkness behind me,Why? It's him,on the brain,my heart,my soul. God please,the light I shall follow,he sanked,rock bottom,he survived,keep looking to the light, he's the light to your darkness. I approached with caution, but the light was fading,fading but I could see.Wait suddenly it's all clear, the lights they're so bright but I can see. Is this true,Am I happy? For a moment I let go,I cried tears but of happiness. Wait no not again,married but not to me,they're back,swollen eyes they tell my pain.Why?my heart beats,but the pain,I die slowly inside,every morning,every day and every night. As I slip back into the darkness, I ask you God why,why me,why again. I trust you God and will do your will but I refuse to live in darkness knowing that the light isn't far away.