I can't
Written about someone very close to me that I just keep hurting.
Fallen angel,
Trudging the harsh land,
Innocent, Chocolate puppy eyes,
A smile that brings warmth to every corner of my mind,
Sweetest smile,
Dirtiest mind,
Angel eyes.
Then there's me,
Harshest words,
Strongest walls,
Jaded soul,
Reluctant gaze,
A match thrown to the devil,
That's what we'll always be,
So perfect but lost at the same time.
I can't be what you want me to be,
I'm far too scared,
I'm way too unhinged,
I run from the commitments you wish me to make,
I throw off every shackle that could tie me down,
I love you from Pluto to Mars,
My love for you is without a doubt,
But I will never tie myself down,
With words that will end up hurting.
I have so many flaws,
I have a darkside,
I am flighty and quick to anger,
You tether my soul to yours without even realising,
I struggle to pull away but I would never hurt you,
For pity's sake I act more animal than human!
I have irrational yet pathological fears of the most random things in existence,
I am scared of the vacuum, I whine when thunder assaults my eardrums,
I growl when threatened, I yelp when frightened,
But strangest of all I am terrified of commitment,
I run from it as the Stag runs from the Wolf,
I hide from it as the Fox hides from the Hunter,
When cornered I lash out as the Badger does with the Cobra.
I could never hurt you,
But if the moment arose, worst come to worst,
I would leave you, no tears shed,
Insides shattered, torn, ripped to shreds,
But nothing to tell you I ever gave a damn,
I can't be what I should be,
I can't be what I aspire to be,
I can't even be what I say I am,
I would move mountains for you,
Start wars for you,
But as soon as I startle,
I'm off, Silently, Swiftly,
I apologise now for everything I will do and everything I have done,
My love to you,
Rages like the ocean,
More often than not I fall asleep wishing it was you,
Not the pillow that I was curled up against,
Sorry for everything,
You still have my heart though as much as I would love to run,
I can't be what I should be,
The one thing I can be is me though.
Flawed, Feared, Frightened,
Stupid, Smart, Psychotic,
Charming, Cruel, Chaotic,
Everything I am and always will be,
At least you'll be there through the lighter times,
'Monster' was my warning,
Let me suffer the darkness alone,
I will come to you when I have found the light,
Forever flawed,
But always yours.
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Comments
Certainly like this mixture ;)) Sounds you've deeply fallen.
A lot of soul searching here. Seems like a huge apology in poetic form. It takes many different sorts to make a world. If you love this person so much I hope you find the "light" and they are still around when you are ready to commit. All the best and hugs x
Yeah, thanks for your kind words.
...it's always odd to say something so dark is so good, but this is REALLY GOOD MB! What the heck...I know you say you're terrified of commitment but the expression of your feelings in this write tells me...you'd be the best at it...idk...I find the ones who feel the most are the ones who should have commitment down to a science...there's so much to process here...
This is turning into an essay lol, but just know that I loved this ❤❤❤ zZz
Thanks, I kinda struggled to find the words when writing this. Sometimes it gets difficult to twist your emotions into words.... Again thanks for your kind words.