I Can't Control My Emotions

When you can't control your emotions because you're not who you used to be

And the constant memories of what was haunts you like a demon torturing your only happiness you have left 

When you wanna breathe but can't
And feel yourself suffocating with panic 
Because not only are you lost but you can never go back
The person that once was has been erased like marker on a white board
Except you have no clean slate 
There's no start over

You're filled with self hate
So maybe if I lash out 
You will leave me like the rest
I beg you please let me suffer alone
But really I mean please love me don't leave me alone
God knows I'm difficult 
But I push away because I don't deserve it anyways 

I can't control my emotions. . .