I dont know

I miss you
I miss the way you hugged me and kissed med
but even so, I can't forget what you have done
I was so lost in that river of green
Too in love to see past it
But in a blink of an eye, I was hit with a glimpse of your doing
The horror behind it all
Broken heart, soul and trust was what you left me with
Mourning, looking for answers to why you stoled my peace of mind
I love you but I'm haunted by the what-ifs and the images I've created in my head of what you've done
I hate you but I miss you
You disgust me but I just want to kiss you
A year I begged to God so I could see you one more time,
Just to kiss you with my fist and hug you with my anger and now,
Now that you are here in front of me I'm frozen in time
Memories rushing through my head and tears running to my eyes
I missed you so much but I hate you!
Or do I?
Do I, for some twisted reason, still love you?
Why did it take you a year! 
Why weren't you just honest with me!
I could have forgiven you
I could have just left you
Why even bother coming back?
May it be that you enjoy seeing the pain in my eyes?