I don't know how to articulate

28/01/2022
I don’t know how to articulate 

I don't know what to do.
I don't know,
For the 1st time in my life,
Even what to say.
I don’t know how to articulate,
The thoughts deep inside my brain
I'm not going to let this small lung tumour kill me or even ruin any day.
It's my joker card babe,
And how with my life,
It likes to toy and play.
I may seem emotionless to look at,
Yet my already scrambled mind is going in infinite directions.
Leaving it in a tangled disarray.
I've had to put pen to paper,
As its the only way for me to express sometimes,
My feelings in the literal way.
I'm now more lost In the wilderness.
Limbo hanging over me,
But learing closer,
Every given day.
I'm a burden to those around me.
Even though subconsciously. 
No one admits it.
But as hard and horrible as it sounds,
They'd all be better without me.
I'm just a ticking time bomb,
Evidently.
I just need to take control back from the clutches of my cancer demon.
He thinks he's nearing the finish line,
Gunning for the win.
Yet I'll be the winning one.
Served with my grin.
I'm not ready to leave yet.
My fateful end,
Still hasn't been chosen or written.
As everything they throw at me,
Has been firmly beaten.
I won't let myself float yet.
I've got so much loving for us to devour,
I've still got 48 and a half years at least for us to be together,
My petal,
My flower.
So have no worries with my health,
As I have a death defeating superpower,
Worth more than any riches or wealth! 
Pure and simple love!
All you have to do in me,
Is believe me and my words of living longer trust! 
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