I just cry...

I sit alongside the midnight rain
I'm soaking, drenched in my own pain
In the summer sun I etched our names in the bark of our tree 
Within my own heart, I'm scared, I don't know to live free 
The fact is, that you consumed me, my breath was pure when you were here 
Now, feeling these heavy drops looking at our initials, knowing you'll never be near 
I cry
I just cry
My tears blend into the rain
Normally,
You sheltered my pain
With a look or a touch you took everything away
Now, I start my days slumped in the shade 
I'm a broken beat, darling should I come with
My house is no longer a home without you, my brick
I'm not ashamed of saying so, without you I'm just a ghost 
If you're gone, I'm a no one
If you're gone, I'm a no one 
I cry
I just cry
I'll tell you now because I didn't before
When you started treatment I was so scared 
You were still beautiful even without any hair 
It was your heart I desired and wanted to hold onto 
For you, I didn't want to show that your husband was terrified and weak 
But every night doing laundry I broke down in a heap while you were asleep
The times in hospital when I held your hand, you were the brave one, lying in bed
You said to me don't worry, a proud father you'll be, don't worry I know you'll love our Ben
Why!
Why did he have to take my love away? he could of just taken me instead
I cradled you in my arms until the very end 
The pain has left a black void, hopefully one day it will be filled 
The day I see you again
But for days like this I'll come and visit you next to our names
Only for a moment, you are with me still
You live on within the life of this tree
When I'm lonely I visit our names 
I still love you, my baby Jane...Xx