I know Me

I’ve never fought so hard in my life

Accusations to my left, to my right

Thinking about my life and where it’s going

Is this it? There’s no way of knowing

What they will do, for they’re not showing

Anything to imply, if I’m staying or going

This isn’t the life that I’ve envisioned

Misinterpreting me, If only they would listen

Putting words in my mouth and holding it against me

Words like “Relinquish rights” and “Intentionally”

Typing words on the reports and calling it fact

Backing it up with signatures because you got it like that

You see one; you’ve seen them all right? You forgot to mention

Those are your words you interpreted on paper

Twisting and contorting to use in your favor

I wish these conversations were recorded

You’d see I’m not this person they’ve allegedly reported

Breaking up families, causing us emotional distress

Jumping through your hoops, putting faith to the test

If only you knew the things which I was facing

Obsessive dark thoughts, my emotions raising

Suffering in silence was my demeanor and mentality

Trapped against my will, losing all sense of reality

Going through the motions, disconnecting from my family

The dark clouds that hovered above me constantly

Scared and confused that was now my reality

If I could go back and re-live that day

I’d make it all better, make it all go away

But I can’t and it’s causing me pain

The emotions I’m feeling, can’t begin to explain

The separation I’ve caused between me and my family

Can’t begin to explain what it’s been doing inside of me

There is nothing they can say or do

To keep me from fighting for you two

Baby boy, you have my heart

And though we are miles apart

I thank God that you’re doing okay

And though I can’t see you, I pray

For you and your sister to be

Under Gods protection, to over-see

That you’re happy and cared for exceptionally

During this time, that is temporarily

Your home, they think they know what’s best for you

But they don’t know you like I do

Children need their mother, our bond is irreplaceable

Taking them away can be very detrimental

To their behavioral development and mentality

Separating them from us, no wonder they’re in therapy

Placing them with strangers far away from me

Causing us severe separation anxiety

You want them to grow up feeling abandoned by their parents?

I was adopted and they too will feel the difference

What will they say when they ask questions?

Will you tell the truth or conveniently forget to mention?

That their mother was wrongfully accused

That your brother was allegedly abused

Thought I sought help, was taken into police custody

Looking at me as if I’m already guilty

It’s not fair, they’re people who deliberately

Abuse their children, inflicting hard continuously

Children get neglected and deprived on a daily-basis

But you read mine assuming its like your other cases

Like a book, you shouldn’t judge by its cover

Closing it too soon before you discover

No skeletons in my closet to uncover

Hope on my side, that’s really what I’m lacking

I’d like a fighting chance, that’s all that I’m asking

God knows the truth, he know what’s in my heart

He gives me strength though I’m falling apart

He says “forgive yourself” and I try so hard

But that day weighs so heavily on my heart

Many are against me and hoping I lose

But God has my back, he’s my refuge

I know in my heart we will be together again

This isn’t the last, nor is it the end.

The end

Note: this poem describes pain, loss and grieving what was my life and what has yet to become of it.