I pick I bleed I pick I bleed....

Pick
Over ten years of this. 
Scratch
I look OK, but I hide it well. 
​​​Gouge
Stressed or anxious it increases. 
Squeeze
I pick until I bleed. 
Rip
I'm doing it now even as I write. 

Pick
When it gets really bad I try to keep my nails short but I always find a way. 
Scratch
I start my day with it. I finish my day with it. 
Gouge
The previous days battle with myself evident. 

Squeeze.
I open myself up again. I go over and over the same spot systematically. 
Rip
I will squeeze and squeeze. Then next time, squeeze again.
Pick
My skin is ravaged.
Scratch
Crack addict. 

Gouge
"Stop picking your lips!"  My mom would shriek. 
Squeeze
My ex used to pull my fingers away as I was absebtmindedly tearing strips off my lips, exposing redness, while watching Netflix. 

​Sometimes, it gets a bit better. I briefly am too distracted by life, and so the cycle is broken. 
I leave my skin a whole week, then it starts to heal.
And there is hope. 

Rip
But I always come back to it. 
Pick
I study my skin for any blemish, no matter how miniscule. 
Scratch
And if I don't do it then, I keep noticing that same blemish until I do. 

Gouge
I wrote about it once in a diary. Years ago. 
Squeeze
That it basically is a shit way of self-harming. 
Rip
But it's more than that. It's a compulsion.
Pick
My compulsion. 
Scratch
I sit in my room like a demon possessed. Scared to face the world. 

Squeeze
I cover my scarred skin with makeup (which leads to increased breakouts - oh the irony) 
Rip
I wear t shirts or long sleeved tops.
Pick
I keep my jacket on in public until I have to take it off as I am sweating. 

I am not OK. Over ten years of this. 
Scratch
I look OK, but I hide it well. 
Gouge
Stressed or anxious it increases. 
Squeeze
I pick until I bleed. 
Rip
I'm doing it now even as I write. 
​​​