Remnants Of Ma

I really didn’t know my mother
I knew her moods
But, I didn’t know her
And I really don’t think she knew her children 
She knew our names...mostly 
But, she didn’t know us
I know my mother loved singing
I heard my mother sing
"How much is that doggie in the window”
And
One of my favorites
"Charming Billy"
I know she liked to cook
I know she read The Godfather and Valley Of The Dolls
I know she liked having a party
I know family holidays STRESSED her out
I know she had many friends
I know she drank a lot
I know she went out a lot
I know she drank and went out a lot with her many friends
I know she had many blackouts
I know she could go from very pleasant to wicked mean, instantly, especially when drinking
I know that she hated my father 
I think she hated my father for not doing what needed to be done to make it all work out
I think maybe she resented her sons for being his sons
I know my mother was brutalized by her father
I know my mothers father followed my mother wherever she went as a teen because he didn’t trust her
I know my mothers father called her terrible names that a father should not call a daughter
I know that my mother married an alcoholic who gambled too much and beat her for his own sins
I wish I knew other things instead of these things about my mother
But...
I know my mother would have liked me to remember other things too...