I see her

It's hard to forget
The bad memories,

When people call
By the name she gave me
I don't want to answer
Because I regret
Meeting her

I would rather
Go by the name
Of my father

Even though
My mother taught me
So many things,
It was only from the pain
That brought me to my knees

I can't look in the mirror
Without seeing her
My dark eyes,
And dark brown hair,
My disguise
When life isn't fair

I push everyone away
Just like she did to me,
I get so angry
Because it's hard to see
Who I really am

If I knew a glimpse
Of my identity
I would be able to look
In the mirror
And see me

But instead
I have a feeling of dred
That can't ever fade
And the tears of grey
That can't seem to go away

Most times
I need someone to listen
Instead of attacking my heart
And tearing at my sins
Till I split apart

I've tried going some place
New
But remember
When I look
In the mirror,
I see her