I WANT OUT

I still shudder when he calls

It's like I can feel his rage when I don't answer the phone

Why did I stay so long?

After each blow he would swear that was it

He wasn't going to do it anymore

I made him relive that lie every time I ended up on the floor

The external pain didn't compare to what I felt within

Worthless, undeserving and praying it would end

My life, that is

I didn't want to live like this

But it is what it is

Until finally I was tired

I wanted to survive for the kids

They never asked for this

I did

Leaving sounded good

I wasn't so sure that I could

Where would I go?

Who could love damaged goods?

No one I supposed

So I froze

I stayed

Together is better than alone

Or at least that's what I was told

But one day

It dawned on me

Kids become what they see

Which one would my son be?

The abuser or the abused?

I cried at just the thought

I knew at that point if I stayed

The duplication of a monster

Would truly be my fault

I got out

Barely

Beaten

Physically emotionally mentally weeping

I escaped

Just for the sake of changing my children's fate.

YRS