I Wish I Was Sad Again

Sometimes,
I wish I was sad again.
But not like actually sad.
I spent too long
Crawling my way back to reality
Constructing my happiness
Piece by piece
And eradicating the demons
Out of the caverns of my mind
Just to go back to
Being sad again.
Sometimes,
I wish I could see the world
The way I did when I was sad.
You see,
When I was sad,
I saw the world
Like I had a used roll
Of paper towel
Pressed against one eye
And the other eye
Simply got lost.
Now many people may say
That this is a horrible way
To view the world
That I should have looked harder
That I was missing the big picture.
But I always said,
You're missing the small picture.
When I was sad
The world was too big for me
I found a broken-down home
Somewhere deep inside myself
And the only things that
Could pull me back into the light
Would have been missed
If I was only looking
For the big picture.
I would have missed the way golden leaves
Raced each other to 
The frost-bitten ground.
I would have missed 
The way the trees
GAve way to the howling wind,
Bending, but not breaking,
Something I always reminded myself
To mirror.
Sometimes,
I wish I was sad again 
For the way words
Flowed out of my fingertips
And sculpted themselves on paper
Before my very eyes.
Because of the way 
I looked at the world
I was able to craft
Line after line of
Audible emotion.
Now, it seems like
I'm too busy
Looking for the big picture.
I guess I'm too busy
Being happy.
Life is passing me by
Like a train passing through
A station
And I keep telling people
"I'm waiting for the next one."
Sometimes I wish I was sad again
Because I miss being able
To look into each window
Of each train flying by
To study the faces of people
Who are looking for
The big picture
And being able to 
Create their stories in my mind
Because mine was too busy
Writing my epilogue.
As much as I wish
I could see between the cracks
Like I could when I was sad
I am glad
That I can now
Look at the train
And not want to jump in front of it.