If Only

If only I’d woulda’, I’d shoulda’, I’d knew 
Il coulda’ made better my short time with you 
Such a waste were the times we spent apart 
Now they’ve left an in-fill able hole in my heart

And never the same will my person be
Without you I sometimes forget that I’m me 
Maybe need to resurface the who I once was
Baby never agreed to repurpose heart cuz 

That part of my soul perished too that night 
And I can’t find it in me to take on the fight 
Cuz without someone that onto can lean 
No one understands cuz our “us” was unseen

And today I am fearful, weary to surrender
For there’s no guarantees of a “happy ender”
Unfair to this man who has not these reserves 
He’s coming in hoping gets the “team” he deserves

I’ve a substitute batter, even pulled my goalie
can’t see I’m half assed cuz he doesn’t know me
And it’s not as if I don’t want to give in 
But I just couldn’t handle handing over a second win