If You Were Here

“Can't I rid my life of all pain? Run away from the sorrow collapsing within my internal body”.
                                                               -M.D.T

If you were here I would tell you,
I would look straight into your sparrow black rounded eyes and I would allow for the night to come and the wolf to finally howl,
I would step into courage like it was a pair of jeans,
for if you were here I would shed a tear allow for it to drip from the crevasse of my eye and watch you watch it slide down like rain on a car windshield.

If you were here I would tell you of my past six months,
I would explain in great detail of how I begged the night to have mercy on me,
as I laid in a fetal potion curled under my mountain of blankets praying,
crying out to God that I may finally fall sleep that night.

If you were here you would find out how pools fill at my feet and fingers press fists to my palms,
that nightmares are not the only thing reminding me of the day I was less then mud on your shoe,
you caused my hands to rub my arms constantly thinking I could rub the filth away,
I would even wipe my hand over my eyes and allow the darkness to swallow me.

If you were here you would discover how when I  heard the mention of your name I automatically remember a crucial pain, 
If I feel a touch I go into shock,
a corner striking a picture in my mind.
If you were here I would let you soak up the destruction,
I'd watch you sit in the muck I swam in for months. 
For if you were here I would bit my lip and close my eyes and whisper
“I can't pretend this scar is a birth mark”.