I'll always be here in the shadows mum..

I'll always be here in the shadows mum

In the silent quarters of my heart,
where the shadows dance and memories linger,
I pen this heartfelt ode to you,
my beloved mother.
Forgive me,
for I have been absent,
a distant son wrapped in the shroud of my own pain.
But know this: my love for you burns brighter than the sun,
even when my body falters.

I am sorry,
Mum,
for the moments lost,
the days slipped through my fingers like sand.
My illness,
a relentless companion,
has whispered its cruel secrets into my bones.
It steals my strength,
yet I persist,
for the laughter of my children,
the joy of my step-kids,
and the warmth of my partner propel me forward.
But damn,
the price I pay!
Each outing inflames my hidden pains,
and by the time I return,
I am but a weary vessel.

Yet,
behind closed doors,
I am your doting son.
In the quiet hours,
Like now,
when the world sleeps,
I hold you close in my thoughts.
Your laughter,
your wisdom,
your unwavering love—they are the constellations that guide me through life’s tempests.
I yearn to sit by your side,
to share stories,
to listen to your heart’s whispers.
For you,
are my compass,
my anchor in this vast sea of existence.

You see,
it is not indifference that keeps me away.
It is the silent battle within—a war waged against my own body.
But know this: I carry you with me,
always.
When my steps falter,
when pain gnaws at my resolve,
I draw strength from your memory.
You,
who taught me resilience,
who cradled my dreams,
who stitched love into the fabric of my being.

And now,
as the years weave their silver threads into your hair,
I ache to be near.
To hold your hand,
to hear your laughter,
to share the weight of our shared history. Time,
that relentless thief,
marches on,
and I fear the moments slipping away.
But rest assured,
beloved mother,
that my love remains unwavering.
I will be here,
even when my body falters,
even when the world spins madly on.

So let this poem be my embrace,
my whispered promise.
I am your son,
bound by invisible threads that stretch across time and space.
And though life’s storms rage,
know that I am here,
loving you in massive abundance,
missing you always.
For you,
are the heartbeat of my existence,
the lighthouse that guides me home.

With all my love, Your devoted son,
James! xxxxxxx