I'm Not What I Eat!

Inquisitive spies,
I know what you're thinking!
Wandering eyes,
"She's not even eating" 
Real food, I can't even stomach it,
Mess on my plate, I'll just have a tiny bit,
This isn't me, the very thought of something moving in my stomach,
I panic, 
I can't breathe,
I'm an unknown,
A mask, 
A bathroom dramatic,
I hid away, within myself I created a monster,
Stuffed my face, but with perfect toilet posture,
I stuck my fingers down my throat, making myself sick,
The guilty feeling of eating, hiding wrappers in the bin,
Shaking, with self hate!
Sweating, all pale faced!
How has this, became my safe place? 
Retching so much, I'm in serious pain!
I'm not ready for the world to see me like this,
Slumped on the floor, tears fall from a devils kiss,
People keep talking behind my back, 
They must be perfect,
One day trying a pair of jeans on, I realised I was in hell!
Mirror,
Mirror,
What do you see?
I see a sad smile,
I see empty pride,
Most of all, 
I see woman, not for how she eats,
But for the beauty of her own heartbeat,
Mirror,
Mirror,
Can I be free?
Mirror,
Mirror,
I have one dream,
A dream, that I'm not controlled,
A dream, that I'll never be alone,
The jeans fell down to my knees, 
I broke down,
I just stopped!
Tears rolled down my cheek, as I was putting my baggy clothes back on,
In that changing room, I killed somebody, I killed the person I once was,
I chose that day, to speak of my illness,
I chose that day, to speak to my parents,
To my soul, I pledged forgiveness,
I accepted my darkened wilderness,
For a day like today,
Today!
I'm here so I can give awareness!
Today,
I am, who I am,
Not What I Eat!