~ In Fields Of Heather ~
{on pain of truth}
I see not through, the pain of truth
God does such doom forbid
And in my despair, I find comfort there
Knowing well the works I did
So in my race, for my father's grace
Where I longed to bask forever
I was torn asunder, raped and plundered
And left to die in fields of heather...
Where such a crime it is, to pray for bliss
Where no one can survive such a Hell
When pills can't help, and doctors can't tell
Where 'in your mind' you dwell
And all friends pleas, do dodge with ease
With  wherefores and what-evers
With vain hopes dropped, all bullshit stopped
And loneliness living in fields of heather...
Were I never to reply, were lips to deny
I'd ever fed into my surrender
For I would fight, with all my heart, despite
Painful screams or comfort's sweater
And yet to compare, my sins with theirs
I grow discreetly aware that I'm no better
And so each night I cry, and ever I try
For that most strange hand of happiness
To find me frolicking, in fields of heather..
Tony Taylor
(My own ~ Most Private ~ Soliloquy)V
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Comments
Thank You C!!......I know that it is largely because we live together that you have the most insightful words here.... but I think it is ALSO (much more than that) the fact that you have such a love poetry itself ......it allows you a depth and profound level of introspection that affords you great and immediate comprehension of words and their intent as phrases and imagery created thereof.......I consider my self to be blessed just to know you and call you wife!!....... Thank You so much...... it means so much to me that you care enough to know me so well!!...... All My Love..... topped off with tons of hugs-n-kisses!!........ smiles.......T xo. : )
what great poem Tony great to see you back on sorry for your pain
peace and love to youÂ
Thanx SO much GREG!!.... not to worry.... the pain is being handled and I'm working on the biggest breakthroughs of my life!!...... be well brother!!..... your friend and admirer.......T xo. : )
Want to wish you well
Wonderful That you’re doing well
Yes!!.... and I thank the Gods daily my friend!!......I am most appreciative of your kind words and thoughts dear poet brother!!......I am your cyber-friend and ever-admirer...... Tony. : )
Beautiful well penned write. I feel the quiet passion beneath the words. It is quite lovelyÂ
violet
Thank you so much VIOLET!!...I appreciate very much your having 'Felt' what I was trying to convey.... means a lot to me......I haven't been on much lately....... gonna head to your page right now to see what you've been up to!!......Thanx again for being groovy girlfriend!!...... smiles......T xo. : )
Tony mate, I started reading this and then, a little way in, I went back to the start and read it in a Scottish accent. I am Scottish by decent (McAlpine, the first royal family of Scotland) and this has so much resonance with me. Contrasting what feels like a story from the time of the clearance or the Jacobites with the silent pain of depression and anxiety. Mental health issues in Scotland and England at the moment are all in crisis. Such a brilliant write my friend. Respect.
NigelÂ
That's amazing Nigel!!.... what I mean is (and this is not easy for most to believe) But, that voice we all have in our head, that inner dialogue that runs constantly in our minds.... well, for me.... that voice in my head has an English accent, I seem to be able ingest Shakespeare or films like "Sense and Sensibility" or "Pride and Prejudice" or "Howard's End" or "Henry the VIII" or "Anne Boleyn"......ANY and all films or books with that kind of Language comes easily to me....... So when you say you went back and read it with your Scottish accent then it makes me feel GREAT because that is VERY much the way I think of words when I use them!!.....I have always had a feeling about you personally ~ Like when I asked if you'd be interested in doing a "Voice Over" project with me (Which unfortunately got put on the back-burner) It was because I knew (or sensed) some kind of strange familiarity from you...... Sounds a little crazy right??!..... Oh well, Anyway, THAT IS the way my inner dialogue communicates with me..... with a British/perhaps Scottish type accent....... Every time I mention that to someone here who especially American they look at me a little curiously..... Cherie, however, believed me right away...... such is life I guess.....I think it's so cool that you know your personal history well enough to know that you're related to a family of such prominence and certainly INTERESTING background to say the very least...... I'm a world History junkie but I must say that I don't know the whole Jacobite story...I know that there was an uprising in the 1700's that had to do with the English and Scottish Kings that began in Scotland and had religion (as almost always) at its core..... didn't the two Queens Mary and her sister go to war over religious intent during that time as well?..... See what I mean? I don't understand it all..... I'm not even quite sure about where the name "Jacobite" came from..... The protestants? (maybe?)...... oh well, sorry to keep rambling here brother.....I just get excited when there's something new for me to learn!!....Thanx again for the 'Way Cool' comment Sir NIGEL!!..... It is VERY much appreciated!!.... stay groovy my friend!!...... Peace n Stuff....... Tony. : )
Whenever I find myself in such fields, I remind my soul: "Your love isn't prefect, it fails. Yet where your love has failed, His love will succeed."
Dear AL,
What a BEAUTIFUL expression/quote......definitely food for thought and/or words to live by....... the kind of words that eventually become a working MANTRA.......thanx so much for sharing this with us all here my friend......VERY much appreciated dear poet brother!!......I am your cyber-friend and admirer..... Tony. : )
Tony!! This was a blessing and an honor to read. Beautifully done beautifully expressed and I hope it's okay if I respond then go back and read it again. It gives me more of itself each time I read it but the first few lines...man those were the best. "All bullshit stopped" was a beautiful straying from the norm to express raw emotion and well...expression. The contrasts of what the "fields of heather" represent was done well. Much love brother poet
Wow ONLOOKER!!..... Thank you terribly much for the very kind commentary...... and I agree with you that the opening stanza is the best..... it had to be if I wanted the impact that the whole of it deserved..... it's pretty touchy subject matter and I needed it to come across that way..... I'm very happy with it and the fact that YOU (one of my favorite writers) had such a positive reaction to it....... Thank you again my friend....... Lots of Love to you and yours!!....... Stay Groovy!!.......T xo. : )
Great, lovely, and magical poem Tony... honestly, one of your masterpieces..
thanks for sharing it.
Get well soon brother poet.
hugs
Leah
Hi LEAH!!... It's so very nice to hear from you..... and Thank you SO much for the kind words and well wishes...... I am, in fact, doing quite well health-wise!!....... Cherie helps greatly (smiles).......thanx again dear poet sister..... talk soon...... your cyber-friend and admirer......T xo. : )
Beautiful, that’s all words can say!! ❤️?
Thank you JILL!!...I like how your comments on my stuff are always so succinct...... a lot said in a few words.......VERY much appreciated!!...... hugs-n-smiles!!.........T xo. : )
?❤️?
The story you share in your poems is thought provoking and unique.
I had fun reading all the reviews you received.
Favorite lines:
For that most strange hand of happiness
To find me frolicking, in fields of heather..
I like how you used, "in fields of heather" as a repeating line.
I’m not that knowledgeable when it comes to history. I had fun learning more about why you wrote the poem from your comments. Great job. I’m a fan!
 I cannot wait to read more of your work. Â
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Hi Tony,
Great piece. One of your better ones for my money.
JP
Thanx JOHN!!.... always a pleasure brother...... heading to see what you've been up to lately....... hugs-n-smiles........T xo. : )
Hello KATINA!!...... Thank you so much for the 'Way Kind' review and observations.......I am so happy to hear that you took the time to read some of the other comments..... it DOES help in so many ways with most of the poems you find on Cosmo...... you have such a unique style in your way of reviewing and you've started to make quite a positive impact/reputation here already....... we're always so happy to find someone join this site and contribute so much and become a member of Cosmo family... you will quickly find that there are so many kind and generous writers on this site..... there a more than a handful of us who have actually traveled to meet one another in person...... it's an honest and fun place to hone your writing skills and get advice and opportunities for different writing projects and etcetera...... anyway, apologies for rambling on, just happy that you're here dear poet sister........ stay groovy....... talk soon...... your cyber-friend...... Tony xo.  : )
Sorry Katina..... my reply is above (I think?). smiles
This really spoke to me. I have demons . I relate so very much