Death In Reverse ( Im Living)

I feel as if I  am Alive in a hearse - So close to death Yet I die in reverse ( Im Living )
A New plan A New man kinda like a rebirth - Correcting mistakes not partaking in thirst
Im not Giving in therefore breaking the curse by putting life first - And ending my troubles
by stoping the search - to find a timeline that will show what Im worth.
 Instead being kind will rewind the bezerk - Thoughts in my mind that just cause me to hurt. Deflecting perfection - Reflections the worst - Finding flaws without cause all because thats what works -to defeat and deplete self esteem till its broken apart into pieces so small that your choking on every word that is spoken.Im OPEN - to changing these feelings inside and Im hoping.
                       To become the me that I see everytime that Im joking.
                  Happy - Smiling and always Carefree - because that is the me
                                                  I was placed here to be.