Poem -
Into The Fumes
Words flow like worms
Swept along in the silt
Of murky river beds
No match for the currentย
And contentย
Of a cluttered unfiltered head
Moments perish like daffodils
Fragile to a stiffย
Spring breezeย
Petals turn dark to auburnย
Permiated with jaundiceย ย
Depicting decaying diseaseย
Ferrous dust lines lungs
Along with chokingย
Metallic fumes
Time ticks in slow motion
Steel faced suppressed emotion
As impending doom looms
ย
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Comments
YESSS!!!.....you nailed this to the friggin' wall my friend!!.......you took that staccato path into your delivery here......BALLSY!!....I don't think I could have done that.....but......it works beautifully ~
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ~ "Moments perish like daffodils
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย Fragile to a stiff
ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย ย Spring breeze...."
VERY clever phrasing and exceptional timing taking this straight into the 'minds eye' & 'heart' of the reader!!........taking "Into The Fumes" into the perfect arena for your readers to be able to relate to your intent!!........ALL STARS!! & PINNED!!.......just my most humble opinion dear poet brother!!........keep up the 'Way Cool' jams bro!!.......Peace n Stuff!!.........T xoย ?โดโค
ย
Thank you for awsome comment Tony. I'm glad you enjoyed this one. I haven't been writing much lately.ย
Peace and stuff also - Syd xoย ย
Such a clever artistic write, Syd. It's such a pleasure to read your gift.
Thank you Lisa. Likewise.
- Syd
Wow! All I can say!ย
Thank you Twilla. I appreciate your kind comment.
- Sydย
"Words flow like worms
Swept along in the silt
Of murky river beds
No match for the currentย "
I have seen it. I have felt it. Never able to capture. But you have.ย
Envious
al-Bikaadi
Thank you so much Al
That's such a nice compliment. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem.
- Sydย
Wow...this is brilliant Syd. Enjoyed it
Thank you so much Rose.
- Sydย