Ineffable

You want my power and call me selfish

Hold me, use me, taste me, waste me

What can't you do? It's my turn, don't snatch!

Fools, lend me your ears! It's foe becomes freedom! 

Sit down, and grow...shh he's listening. He won't wake if we're quiet

He feeds us, how dare you disobey after all he's done. You don't deserve him. 

I promise, I vow, I solemnly swear 

You hear?! It's feeding time, you think you're different you sod, sod of sods!

Ahh to be satisfied! You know what that is? Only what he says it is, how dare you decide. Your thoughts aren't your friends, so suck down your leaves and ruin your life! Let's assume, let's assume...here's what you'll do...get to your mould and smile until the corners bleed. You heard me. I'm bigger, I will be king! 

You're insecure, maybe try rebelling what's to lose? Everything. Back to square one. Stop crying and be strong! Strong or stupid? Why can't I ever win? She won't like that! Suffocate the truth! You've changed...but I didn't mean to! I'm me and you're you! 

Please, just let me rest and if you want me take me. Why are you hurting me? Nothing makes sense. Leave me, do what works for you. The door mat doesn't complain because it can't. That's a decision, calculated...not a mistake. Honesty is no excuse for being evil. 

Nostalgia floods my soul and my stomach churns. I want to see it but not yearn so much that I keel in pain trying and not trying to remember. 

Light a candle, do something! Why are there feathers on the ground? Who attacked me? You! Why? I thought it was real...am I the only one who doesn't know? Truman...this is way too weird. Do you not want me to fly? Coz I'll make that sacrifice...the masses are chattering like a silly family of starlings. Murmuration. Why are you drinking from the advice of people that hate me? Talk to me for f**k sake...your vision has shifted. I couldn't wait for you to come home, but now I'm scared. I was taught not to take lollies from strangers but you knew my favourite flavour and gave me one bag, and I've eaten them all, they're all gone and you planned this?? It's my fault I suppose..well that's what you tell me anyway. 

I think I'm getting sick from trying to get better. Pills? Nah, I want to feel it. Pain doesn't hurt, unless you want it to. And now you know...is this revenge? Why did I eat them?! 

God if you're there, which I believe you are despite the silent protest from  those that lie with their mustard seeds against me...take me, clean me and give me a taste for adventure. I used to have it but now the bear trap of misplaced trust has me...it's too tight. You laced it. You are meant to be love but why can't I see you in their eyes anymore. If you're reading this and it makes sense...you've either gone mad or you're starting to understand me. 

Goodbye.