Poem -

Is it ok, to struggle?

Is it ok, to struggle?

Once again, I need your help,
I'm weak and I'm losing my strength,
I'm finding life at the minute, pretty hard,
I'm trying,
God, I'm trying,
But I'm falling apart!
How strong, do I have to be?
I haven't got anything else to prove,
I dream of the day, that I'll be free,
I ache silently, because I always lose,
I can struggle,
I am struggling!
I hide behind words, and I talk to my girls,
In reality, I'm just as scared, in this world,
I'm sure that I'm failing,
I'm sure I am,
My beautiful Shailyn,
And loving Rian,
I'm trying my hardest, with all my might,
I hope you're feeling, that I'm doing alright, 
I love you so much, 
My god!
So, so much,
While I'm writing this, tears are falling,
I'm not the strongest, but I'm still coping,
You two have taught me, how to live,
In my darkest hours of need, I still breathe,
I'm just a dad, I wish you'd have a mother,
But I'm here, I'm always a loving shoulder,
I don't know, if other parent's feel like this, 
I don't really talk much, only to my friend Trish,
Sometimes I joke, 
That she's a super mam and I'm a super dad,
This makes me laugh, but it also makes me sad,
It makes me sad because it reminds me that I'm lonely, 
I know I shouldn't feel like this because I have my two beautiful daughters, 
An adult relationship, I truly miss, I'm not strong enough, instead I'm haunted!
Everyone deserves something, but if I'm not trying, I just live slaughtered,
I curse myself, probably every other day,
I force myself, to disguise all of the pain,
Sometimes, I look into a mirror day to day,
Sometimes, it's only when I need a shave,
I've let myself go,
This, I already know,
I know, 
Because my daughter's joke,
"Dad, what's going on with your hair?"
"What's with your, thin on top?" 
"Dad, what's with your, I don't care" 
"I don't know, but it just won't stop!"
I wish nothing for me, but everything for my little angels,
Is it selfish of me to think of my egotistical poetic cravings,
I don't have the hunger,
I just foolishly ponder,
I say anything,
But, 
Don't give everything!
I'm falling into the trap of being ashamed,
My mental health is bruised once again,
All I see,
All I see!
Is that my daughter's are stronger than me,
I'm so proud, 
I'm so proud! 
Nobody said, that my overwhelming love wasn't aloud,
A promise that I'll always make,
The good memories will never fade, 
I hear your laugh in my worried days,
It quickly overshadows the days I pray,
I pray that you're loved,
I pray that you're happy,
I pray that you're safe and never alone,
I'm here, if you need to talk,
I'm here, no matter how big or how small,
Because it's me, 
I'm your dad, after all 
I'm a dad,
Warts 'n' all.

Sorry, shailyn and Rian,
I hope you love me, for who I am... Xxx

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Comments

author
Preacher Of Ete...

I am sure they do. Good to share your thoughts. Ok to feel the way you do. 

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author
Cherie Sumner-Taylor

Hi Wayne...I feel your pride!  Lovely girls....I am sure they feel  your genuine humility and love.  We all have our struggles that we hope do not affect our children...wanting the best for their lives.  Very sweet tribute to  your children. xo ;)

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author
Wayne Stubbs

Thanks very much Cherie, a lovely positive comment! 👏👏 thanks for reading my work, ☮&💜 to you and Tony 😊💜

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