It Must’ve Been A Dream

Every morning, when the sun beams tickle my waking conscious, I lose you all over again. 
I leave the counterfeit blessing of your unwavering love, the sun beams remind me of your hugs.
Every morning, I’m back on the edge. Attempting to piece together a life without you in it. I’ll never complete that puzzle.
How cruel a thing it is, my dreams convince me it’s all been a lie. I’d be better off seeing the day, because you’re waiting for me to call. 
How cruel a thing it is, you’ll never be there, never again, never at all. 
Every morning, when I hear the birds chirp, they are the alarm bells coaxing my heart to break all over again. 
Each chirp is a shard of glass, cutting into the world and striking my heart. 
Could anything be worse? You’re already gone. 
I couldn’t map out my pain if I tried, it’s blinding and bitter. 
Because there you are. With open arms.
Yet here I am, waking once more. 
Most bitter, for sure. 
Every morning, your smile is the last thing I see. Sometimes I scream at myself. Because you came back this time. At least you’re here this time.
For when I wake, I am reminded you won’t return this time. 
 I couldn’t map out my pain even if I wanted to, every time I hit a landmark I stumble and lose control of my body. 
I’m suffocated by the air around me.
Could anything be worse? You’re already gone.
Every morning, when the sun beams tickle my waking conscious, I am envious of the me that falls asleep again, if only to see you again in my dreams.