It's easy to say "Stop".

Where to start, or what to say.
When opening up like this.
For it's hard to find the light of hope.
Staring into an abyss.

A deep and bottomless chasm.
That's only filled with pain.
Every time you wake up.
You think, here we go again.

When everything you had is gone.
Despite you trying your best.
How do you just move on from that.
When you're literally obsessed.

The reason that you breathed in.
The reason you exhaled.
They're gone & all you're left with.
Is a heart that's been impaled.

People say, don't dwell on it.
They tell you to move on.
I wonder if they'd say the same.
If all they had was gone.

Everything you live for.
All that you hold dear.
Your kids no longer told "goodnight".
"Goodbye" is what they hear.

But that's just where the hurt begins.
For the future will hold more.
One day there'll be another man.
Walking through their front door.

That man will have what you want.
The void you left, he'll fill.
He'll hold the woman who holds your heart.
Yet things will get worse still.

Your world is what he holds now.
As well as loved ones hands.
Having to endure that.
The most upsetting of life's demands.

See, no-one ever thinks of this.
They just think you're pathetic.
But they will never face this.
As men are a mere prosthetic.

They're replaced when no longer wanted.
But everything else is kept.
He is left with nothing.
Under the rug is where he's swept.

The new limb then takes over.
In life, and then in bed.
How the hell does any man.
Not let that screw with their head?

Not just your loved one is laid with.
As she still holds your heart.
So with every touch he gives to her.
Your heart's torn further apart.

Each day he'll rise up from that bed.
Your kids is what he'll see.
He'll say good morning, they'll say it back.
But they should be saying it to me.

Inevitably you'll meet this new limb.
Your broken heart will race.
He'll probably try to shake your hand.
This prosthetic who's took your place.

He'll be playing daddy.
Even though that's your job.
Your hand doesn't want to shake his hand.
It wants to smack him in the gob.

Everything he has was yours.
They're why you said "I do".
Because you wanted them for life.
To forever be with you.

But as a man you're powerless.
No matter what you've tried.
Whether flowers, hotel breaks or cruises.
Nothing was too much for your bride.

But too much was still just not enough.
And neither was your best.
So what else is a man to do.
Other than be depressed.

Depressed not just for what he's lost.
Or what he couldn't do.
Or even for what the future holds.
Though that looks distinctly blue.

You see, the picture is bigger.
Than many of you see.
But you sit there & judge my status's.
You sit there judging me.

How can you possibly do that.
You don't walk in my shoes.
When all you've loved in life is lost.
You too would feel the blues.

Your kids see you as Superman.
Invincible and tough.
They've seen you pretend to cry before.
But know this time is no bluff.

Seeing you like that makes them sad.
They shed a tear too.
For in their hearts they feel the same.
All they want is you.

Not just you on your own.
But what they had before.
They don't want to say goodbye.
They want goodnight forever more.

They say they wish that you could stay.
You say you wish that too.
How can that not hit you hard.
What is a man to do.

You try to reassure them.
Tell them that you're here.
Any time they need you.
But then you disappear.

To the abyss that you've been sent to.
Nothing but four walls and a roof.
To cry where your kids can't see you.
Not being bulletproof.

If that was just a one time thing.
It wouldn't be so hard.
But doing it for the rest of their childhood.
Leaves a heart forever scarred.

So sit there in your towers.
Looking down on me.
Passing judgement upon my posts.
Is easy when you can't see.

You don't see what I'm feeling.
You do not see my pain.
All you see is the words I write.
Then pass judgement once again.

You see words that say I hate life.
Wishing I was gone.
But I could NEVER act on those thoughts.
It would break the children, who's dad is gone.

I'm not a selfish person.
Everyone else comes first.
No-one seems to understand.
Things just couldn't get any worse.

I think little enough of myself.
Without you joining in.
I know I've got nothing to offer.
But I don't have rhino skin.

So your words can cut quite deeply.
Though meant with best intentions.
I'm not the best at dealing with.
Outside interventions.

You see, apart from what I've lost now.
I've almost always been alone.
I've lost my parents, my health & my best friend.
But this is the toughest thing I've known.

I hope you never feel this.
It's something no-one should endure.
There is no light for you to see.
There is no magical cure.

No more can you hold the hand you love.
No more can you squeeze her tightly.
No more can you look into her eyes.
And say no star can shine as brightly.

No more can you have a family day.
No more can you treasure those times.
For every time you think of them.
Your heart breaks down & cries.

People say to stay strong.
Just think about the kids.
Yet when I try to sleep at night.
It's like they're imprinted on my eyelids.

They're almost all I think of.
They're the reason I'm still here.
And as stupid as it seems to you.
My replacement is what I fear.

They may think he is better.
Their mum may think it too.
Their Superman is powerless.
There's nothing he can do.

As I said, the picture's bigger.
Than many of you see.
I'm sure you'd feel differently.
If you had the same view as me.

So for all the statuses you've not liked.
For the content that they've had.
I'd NEVER do anything stupid.
I'm not a selfish dad.

Yes it's hard to continue.
When all you've had is gone.
So think of that before you decide.
That judgement must be cast upon.

You could walk a mile in my shoes.
Yet can't go where I've been.
You cannot feel the pain I feel.
Or see the things I've seen.

You could try to imagine.
Though that's just not the same.
Yes you could go forward with me.
But never go from where I came.

You really are so lucky.
If you've never gone through this.
And I say this with genuine sincerity.
I hope you're never lost in the same abyss.

You wake up & open up your curtains.
Yet no light shines on you.
The only thoughts inside your head.
Are, WTF am I to do.

You can't embrace tomorrow.
Because you know just what it holds.
Another time for "goodbye kids".
Then leave before your emotion unfolds.

This poem, I'll probably get grief for.
Or told I'm thoughtless & cruel.
But I'm just explaining how I feel.
After losing the worlds most valuable jewel.

It's a plea for understanding.
I'm explaining where I'm at.
Both mentally and emotionally.
I'm battered, broken, flat. 

The things I put on Facebook.
They're words, not magic powers.
Life now is dark with bad things.
Not butterflies & pretty flowers.

I'm thankful to those who've tried to help.
Though I've probably seemed ungrateful.
Despite what many people think.
I really am not hateful.

I do anything for anyone.
Help everyone I can.
Being a good person.
Has always been the plan.

This is how I'll always try to be.
Though it always ends in pain.
Compassion, love, kindheartedness.
They flow through every vein.

I cannot help who I am.
Or what my life's become.
If you were me, I'm pretty sure.
That you, too, would be glum.

So, one last time, I'm sorry.
For any sadness caused.
I am not suicidal.
My life, for now, is paused.

Good luck to everyone I know.
May your lives be filled with good.
May you make your loved ones happy.
Or happier than I could!.