Poem -
I’ve got under control
“Ive got it under control”
I tell myself as my boney spine
Slips down the door frame
My heals bleeding as a curl up into a ball
Cold. Crying. Tired.
“Ive got it under control”
I tell my mother as i leave the dinner table
Tired of playing this endless game
Ive been playing
My body shakes as it begs me for food;
but i refuse
“Ive got it under control”
I say as i look at my wuthering self in the mirror
I want to scream but i cant make a sound
I stand up, wipe my tears and pull down my shirt
And smile as i say “Im fine
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Comments
A powerful write on body dysmorphia and eating disorders. I really liked the emphasis on “I got it under control” because that really has a double meaning when we are in this kind of self destructive mindset. We can believe we are in control when we aren’t. But also by choosing not to eat (or in some circumstances we eat to throw up) We are exercising a form of control, because deep down life itself has been out of control. So this is something we can control. Even if it’s being negative towards our health. A really strong write. Thank you for sharing and a warm welcome to Cosmo
Gwen :)
thanks for shining a needed light for all! welcome to Cosmo! ..................................................Jim