I've Let It All Loose

Crash! Swoosh and crash again,
The waves seem to grow when I cry,
The fight inside me is almost impossible to win,
I soldier through and try to stay stoic,
As usual I lose and I'm uncontrolled.

Having storms like me loose and wild is dangerous,
I can cause destruction and havoc in a heartbeat then create miracles in a flash,
Anger is not an emotion to toy with,
But harnessed right it can be used powerfully,
Anger is the strongest emotion.

I want to be powerful,
But I lie and say I already am,
Then the tide crashes down and I am exposed.

I am helpless,
Laid bare are all my emotions,
The harsh hypocritical world watches on,
Fury, anger, envy and wrath call to me,
I fight so hard to resist but fury always wins,
Regret comes next,
My anger ruled my tongue,
But I can’t go back,
My path is blocked.

Hope is scarce,
Joy even rarer,
True happiness is gone in all forms for me,
Love is hopeless,
Hope is pointless,
Because I know it always ends in defeat,
You cannot outmatch Fate,
Fate hold destiny,
And destiny pulls my strings,
I am a puppet to my master,
I am nothing.

Empty darkness,
Harsh, angry, confused light ahead,
But I run away from the light,
The less known about me,
The less to hurt me,
I cannot remain friendless though,
I am too weak and too pathetic to go alone,
I am the fallen angel god said to avoid,
You pulled me closer though,
And I rewarded you with lonely pain,
How wonderful,
I can never keep the ones I love close,
I push the ones I love away the furthest.

Black is dark,
Red is enraged,
Yellow has lost its former humour,
Purple looks smug and invites me to join,
Green pulls me back but shies from contact,
Blue looks at me knowing I now understand,
White looks at me with that look of emptiness,
Emptiness, heartbreak many different names for one feeling,
Does it matter what we call it,
No, it is still too horrible to face alone,
But here we are,
 I am facing it alone,
I pushed away my support this time,
And no heroes come near this book.

My heart, they say, is where success lies,
What heart, last time I checked there were broken shards,
Shattered too far to mend,
I locked up the pieces and my soul,
Then I built a wall,
Too high to climb,
It is unbreachable,
If you get in getting out will shatter my fortress,
Once in you have passed every trial to endure my pain,
You will never be forgotten and I will stay with undying loyalty,
And I will bet on you with unyielding confidence.

A heart amongst glass,
Bound to break,
Bound to slip over and tear in two,
Cover my soul with a white cloth,
Hide my pain,
The black is for me alone,
The red is for my enemies,
Those who are close can see my lies,
I am thought as a bad liar,
Truth be told,
I am a lie,
My whole life has been a lie,
A few parts are true,
Work it out alone.

With my soul comes responsibility,
Trust,
Love and loyalty,
Can you stay for long,
Can you earn what a family cannot,
Try your hardest, you can’t reach me.