Keyboard

It’s not fluffy as the way the boys in the media portray themselves
It’s fluffy in a way i want to rip it all out, not looking right and not fitting my structure correctly
Although no matter how much paint I soak my brush in this clay structure that’s still not dry structure will never look correct
The paint will just seep into the unfinished project
Trying to remold and remold the slump of messy you’re now stuck with.

I hate the way my hands click clack against the keyboard, I hate how they are round like mini sausages in the freezer, so short and stubby

I hate the way my oxygen scratches in my throat,
scratch scratch scratch 
 with all the scratching and pain it still does not sound right
Who in their right mind has edited this character like this? 
Please go back in the setting and adjust all these imperfections because although there is apparently so much to love as I am told I cannot help but to be weighted like a wrecking ball that just crashes right into my wall and filling my lungs with nothing but insecurities that just corrupt and spread like wildfire into my mind
It ruins my mind and ruins my teeth

My teeth, the way the grip and dust against each other, god i hate that sound
The way my tongue rubs against the back of my teeth when the rooms elephant stomps across my face, shattering my glass framed face
Though unlike glass my face is nowhere to be clear, instead constantly attempting to wipe it down down down
It’s stained, nothing but a smudge of that glass that cannot be wiped off

I hate that
I hate the way that my chest is too big and does not fit my figure. I want to remove my breast and feed them to the beast in the wild that can simply spread them into pieces. 
I want to pluck these strings of my lashes apart and crochet myself new ones 
I hate the way no matter the amount of months it takes I will continue to hate
Months and Months
Months I’ve felt like this. Fighting the urge to remove my organs, Oh, I don’t need them. No I do not. 

I hate this imperfected structure I was given, a gift that I am
 so so so ungrateful for. 
So ungrateful, yes I am. 
I hate it so much.