A letter to my heart(for Maya)

Hold down my uneasy breath.
This pulse is impossible to count.
You are still crawling in my imagination over the decades plus.
That isn't reality anymore
As I hear your voice with distance in every word.
I hold every one of them dear.

This isn't what you want to hear
I'm always afraid
To what you have to say
You have everyone's attention in an empty room 
My ship is sinking in the harbor of your memory.
Becoming more an more distant
As you watch and wave from the shore of your island.

We used to count fingers and toes
Now we lost count of the miles, days, and emotions between us.
It's not my name anymore 
The one I ran from when I had the chance to be adored
Now it's just my name you're afraid to speak 
How uneasy are these syllables that roll off your tongue.

Just for a moment I wish you could live the happy lyrics of your name sake. 
The ones that fill Sunday mornings with bottles of bubbly and carefree dances in the parlor room.
Where tender light of the golden sun lays it's spotlight on your eternal stage. 
This is how I remember you.