Lost to the high

Thoughts...

Persistent, dark, macabre musings.

Continously reoccurring torturous visions,

Spiking my minds eye...

Temptious luscious symbolic cravings,

Occuring anytime, all the time.

Overpowering my sanity,

Leaving me unclean...defiled.

Why...why must these thoughts ravage,

Eat away at what is left of my decency? 

Sometimes, I swear, I hear...

Others in my head...

Telling me what to do.

Never been one to follow orders,

So I ignore...but...

They are getting more vociferous, 

Screaming at me,

Demanding...

Seeking my bidding.

Must meditate, must...

Hear myself over the noise...

Find myself in the corner I hide.

I need to be free!

These drugs, so good...

At first...

They are fucking me up!

My mind is not my own!

I need to stop,

Put an end to this insanity,

This war within my mind.

How...how can I?

I need it...

I have to feed my addiction...

Quite the voices...

Still the pain...

Dispel the cravings...

Banish my needs...

For a short while.

Cannot look in the mirror,

Anymore...

Painful reminder of the husk I am.

Help me!

I cannot help myself!

This sickness is eating me...

One more hit and I am done.

Really...

Just one and I will stop.

No more a slave to the hit I will be,

...

I am weak!

I cannot...no matter what I try,

The demon needs to be appeased,

Fuck this!

I am so tired,

 Think I will just lay down,

Just for a while...

Let this beautiful high take me to heaven.

So what if I fall into a hole,

Six feet down...

To rot underground.

The euphoria is worth it...

So tired...

I think I will sleep a while...

I might just wake up...

I might...

...