MAD

I've had to leave ten to a hundred people to protect myself. I gave all I had just to be used.
Left the people who raised me, so I could live freely. It's bad when you lose someone because they hurt you too often. It's worse when you have to look in their eyes knowing full and well, no matter what you've told them they still couldn't tell how horrible they treated you. I was made into a monster when I was young to fight back demons. When I realized I became them I made sure I was there to love. I spent my younger years giving nothing, older years giving everything, and now I wish I could just feel something.

Every word seems half said. Every emotion is hallow. My very existence seems as if I'm half of whoever I am. Whomever that is.. I'm tired. I'm lost. I'm broken. Worst of all, I'm ok with it.

Should I feel like this? Should it matter? Could I be more? Could I really care at all?

I don’t know if believing in myself a lot sooner would've helped. Would doing anything different have an impact on me? Should have's, could have's, would it just make me MAD. I feel like I could be going insane. As if this is the last part of me fading away. I can't even feel pain. That should be alarming, but I'm just not surprised anymore. I don't care.

I'm not the man I used to be. I'm not who I wanted to be either. I don't feel like I'm anybody.