Magnificent

I was not magnificent

I purposely pushed everyone away

So I can’t hurt anyone in my sight

Now I’ve got guns on my left side, and whiskey on my right

Someone send me an angel

I’m chasing demons away tonight

With my Words slurring, world twirling, I can’t walk without hurling

I don’t fear the shadow of death because my vision wont stop Blurring

I’m scared of being alone even though I’m so deserving

The alcoholic life has gotten way too alluring

But this fucking feeling is whats keeping me alive

It’s too late to save my soul, I fear ill never be alright

7 deadly Sins and every one of then is my plight

I fear I’m getting used for my lust

Yet I treat it all with pride

They say they really care

But all I hear is lies

When the world sees you as a demon

At your funeral no one cries

I’m trapped by this life

Worried that I won’t survive

I’m just a gun without roses

Parting legs like I’m Moses

I think I could save the world

But somehow I’m always losing focus

Lord knows that I’m far from perfect

Trying to hide my flaws with these poetic verses

Instead of spending time on my knees

When my time comes I hope The Lord forgives me

I know the Lord’s Prayer, my mind is just too busy

Don’t send me salvation,

Just help me with envy and greed

Stuck with a perpetual need to repent

It all comes from feeling like I don’t amount to shit

Standing in the Mirror

Screaming Motha fuck this reflection

I guess this depression is finally going to win

I don’t fear my nightmares

I just fear what I’ve become

So I do eighty on the high way

To see if he’ll take me young

Ambulances blaring

Mama please don’t cry for your son

These thoughts are killing me softly

When it’s all said and done

The edge is just another thing I run from

I thought about putting myself in a hearse

Don’t worry that’s in the past when I felt so much worse

I still can’t find my purpose

But I’m closer that’s for sure

Just my own worse enemy

I’m slowly drowning all these thoughts

Whispering thanks for the memories

These are just lows from my heart

I braved the darkest storm

Now it’s time for the sunshine to start

My stories to be continued

The high Is the next part

That coulda been the end for me

Luckily My life has no periods

Only semicolons and ellipses

And it’s sad to see

How many people wrote the previous few stanzas before me

So this is for all of you

The future survivors

Who think long sleeves to cover scars means you’re a good liar

I’ve been there; don’t be scared

It’s raining right now but the sun is shining somewhere

Let me gather my thoughts

I’m speaking from the heart

Ironically I’m more exposed when I’m emotional

Either light or dark

I just wanna make my parents proud

As long as their blood flows through my bone marrow

Then it won’t matter

How much they have, I want them to have more

That’s what I’m reaching for

I’m not happy with a plate

My family needs their own platter

And I want everyone to be okay

Don’t end your life today

Or drink away all the pain

I’m living proof

I know you can make it through

Hating yourself so much you wanna pick up a gun and shoot

Through pink matter

No cotton candy sugar coated battles

Just blood splattered

Don’t do it

Your life is scheduled for some improvement

It gets better

Sometimes you gotta work for it

Take it from me

I was not magnificent

But I will be

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