A Master Chief of English

Do you really think I enjoy writing?
I hate speeches. I hate poetry. I hate writing.
And, I hate those letters of recommendations, and bullshit essays that require a lot of patience.
I hate those volunteer questions, that are like,
What is your favorite kind of chicken?
They they are like, he better say barbeque,
Everyone says barbeque.
And so I purposely write, smegma. Smegma is my favorite kind of chicken.

And when you first learn the art of language they always hand you this
baby. “Here, her name is English.” and so, I drop the baby and prance
into the halls to perhaps find another, and drop it too.
Then when someone ask, I’ll be like,

Oh yessa, I writes all the time. You knos they hangs my pappy yesterday
whens they found out he kouldz reads. Ummmmhmmmm I luz me sa written
suh.
And then the Jew across the street yells “This nigga!”

And *William Ellison says “ I taught the nigga betta than that” And
*Anthony Johnson says “ We taught that nigga betta then tha-” Some
white guy interrupts “ Anthony Johnson you’re a nigger therefore an
alien, gimme your land, here’s the paper work…” (A moment of silence as
the documents wave in the breeze over Anthony Johnson’s grave).
And then he says “And William Ellison you an nigga too!” William Ellison answers “I’m not a nigga… I’m mulatto…”
‘IS THAT SOME FRENCH SHIT!!”

Up above the aliens in their UFO giggle on a telephone line “Hehe we
made the pyramids, the telfone, light bulbs, and and annnnd microwaves… ”

The lady on the line is about to drop a radio in the tub because
Jesus was black on the cover of a Tupac album, while a catholic priest
and fifth grade teacher fondles another child “Who wants melted
snickers, they’ve been in my pocket for a while!!”
“Ewwww meme mememe!”
A kid busted into the classroom “You touched my Wii for the last time, everyone has got to go, BANGBANG BANG BANGBANG!”
Somewhere at a national park a Native American sits next to an eagle in a tree, a sign reads “endanger species”
Some guy yells “Hey guy, yeah you, in the tree…. Pray to your bird god, COCKALDOODLEDOOOOOOO!!!!!”

Oh, I found another baby, lots of them… don’t, drop, them, But then I
ask like “Hey sir” “Yessaaaa” “Here take this baby, it’s the massuss
baby, don’t drop him, now say cheese for the camera”
Now,
Write a short essay about a tough time, or situation, how did you deal with it?
What experience or life badge did you gain? Drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs.
Application denied. Thankyou… I’m good with babies…