A Maze of the Mind

A thought is born

It cries, and is confused, it craves comfort

Searching for love, and meaning

It assumes only good exists in the world, but only if it knew

And it whispers to me, “Am I lost?”

The mazes amazes me

The thought twists and turns, shapes and shifts, through the maze

Like it is searching for something, but what?

Something good or bad? Happy or sad? Plea or laugh? Light or dark? Meow or bark?

And this teenage thought, young and naive, does not know where it is going

It does not know what would satisfy this unrelentless searching urge

And it echoes to me, “I am lost.”

The maze amazes me

The thought murmurs as tears run down it’s face, “I am not beautiful.”

The thought mumbles as it hides under the covers, “I am not popular.”

The thought cries out as it’s heart cracks and crumbles and can not beat on, “I am not loved.”

One minute optimistic, ready for the future’s unknown, excited to meet new people and do new things, and do something worthwhile.

But an outside thought comes and rips all the innocent excitement away

Like a bandage soaked in red

Like a knife pulled out in a forceful tug from the crevice of a spine

And what does that unkind, unwelcome, outside thought speak, you ask?

“Friendless” “Ugly” “Fat” “Unloved” “Gay” “Unintelligent” “Whore”

And oh, so much more

That evil outsider has an infinite number of cruel words that strangle the lost teenage thoughts until their faces turn purple and their mouths gasp for air

And it amazes me

It amazes me, that these outside thoughts get pleasure, joy from this torment

Even after all the, “Please stop!”s and “I can’t take it anymore!”s

They carry on

After all of the turmoil, and torture, and tears

And when the outside thought has had it’s fill, it goes out hunting for new prey

The poor teenage thought is close to giving up

It is left laying broken and bloody, smashed and sliced, mangled and marked by harsh words on the hard ground, crawling from school to home to bed and back again

Others hurry past, too caught up in their own thoughts to stop and help the grotesque creature below them

And it amazes me