Mirror

Have You ever stared into a mirror, and seen nothing familiar? 
Like the person staring back at you is your evil sister? 
But deep down you know that your the imperfect picture? 

If not then welcome to our world. 
welcome to the inside of a broken shell.
welcome to the mind of a person who hates themselves,
and finally, 
welcome to the life of pure living hell!

So.. Imagine looking into a foggy mirror,
and everything you see is 100x bigger, 
the flaws you never noticed before are so very clear, 
and now you see them they won't disappear. 

You sit at the dinner table that very night, grabbing your thighs and squeezing them tight, 
glancing up into the bright light, 
knowing what your doing isn't at all quite right.

Yet you keep it hidden, 
you sit there playing with your dinner, wondering why the hell your not thinner, 
little do u know, your just a beginner. 

The game hasn't yet started to play, 
as soon as u leave that table ur mind starts to race, 
your continuously stuck in this horrible daze, hoping and praying it's just a teenage faze.

Until you continue to wake up still thinking the same way, 
so you start planning how your going to escape, 
And how your going to make yourself feel great, and finally free yourself from all this hate.

that's when it begins, 
the voice starts to sing, 
starting your minds process on how your going to be thin, 
not knowing the changes that are going to be occurring within.

You start off counting calories, then stepping out your boundaries, by being bent over the toilet bowl vomiting out your abnormalities, ruining your teeth with a heap of cavities.

But it relieves the pressure, makes you feel better, by not feeling guilty for the sinister pleasure, you get off eating two plates of dinner.

After a while you get used to being hungry, you start hating the feeling of a full tummy, every night going to bed on empty, so u can wake up feeling like you haven't gained anything. 

your clothes soon become looser, yet you still see yourself as fat in the mirror, you won't shed a tear,  at the end of the day your now used to the terror. 

Lucky last the Mood swings soon come into play, which helps push your friends and your family away, perhaps it's easier this way, there's no one to notice the changes happening to you everyday. 

Now Wave goodbye to the old you, that happy, bubbly person is out of view, making room for the new person ur turning into, a person with low self esteem and major anxiety issues

Everyday is going to be hard, your going to wish you never let yourself go so far, all because at the start, you judged your reflection in a piece of reflecting glass.

One day you might see things better, Maybe one day that voice will disappear, maybe one day everything will be clear, and you'll finally see your self as your own perfect picture. 

Im 13 years In, And still in this battle I feel il never win, because a disorder may be a horrible thing, but it's being addicted to the feeling, that will continue to suck me in.

You ever looked into a mirror, and seen someone familiar? 
Like the person staring back at you is everything you remember?
I haven't just yet, but I promise myself one day Il conquer that quest.