Poem -
My Boy...Not God's
I am entrenched in your loss
I miss the knowing of you
I miss the journey of you
And you are already...secret
As mysterious as the ancient
skies
As gone from life
As shadows
Already, I am stranger
And banished
And tarnished forever
In the missing
We are... silent phone
Conversation... unfinished
And I am... entrenched
In this loss, son
Unrepairable, and forever
Diminished
M P 28/4/21
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Comments
Just wrenches at my heart this entire piece. We do feel lost, almost punished and left abandoned. Your words in this entire poem make my eyes weep and my heart ache for you. There is nothing to be said to ease these emotions. A raw write that cuts in deep. I just hope the writing is helping a little. Lots of love and hugs 💗🌷xxx
You know what I miss most Gwen?...the fact that from the moment he died he became unknowable to me. I can never again share his experiences( if he has any)
That I cannot be present in his new existence, if exist he does. How can such deeply powerful connections in life just melt into nothingness?...hugs 💕
I completely empathise with that. I get so bitter because he isn’t here sharing the life we planned. His son will never have a connection with him. I miss out on his humour and deep conversations. I get it with my dad too. I was far too young when he died. I feel I missed out on so much. Like you say, it all becomes literally “nothing” and that hurts so deep. There isn’t a bandaid or ointment that can sooth that sort of wound and feeling. It is what it is. Cruel. Lots of love to you my dear friend 💗xx
All that...but do you ever feel banished from 'their' lives now? This troubles me. Judd shared everything ( well, mostly, you know what I mean) ...yet, in the biggest most significant experience of life( his death) I am a stranger to him. Already, he knows the secrets of the universe which in life he would have wanted to share with me, does this make us strangers now?? How can I ever truly know what he has moved on to or become? Fuck...reading this, I'm mad. I agree, I am...my mind is taking me to places no human was melt to delve!!!
Its like if your much loved dog suddenly turned into a tiger. It is the same 'being' you are told but you know nothing of tigers or how they live and it must you must let it go to live in tiger land where you cannot survive. Can I still claim to know the dog? How can the dog I knew be the tiger also?? ...this probably makes nonsense and I will delete soon before the white men come lol 🤪🤪🤪🧡💛
You don’t talk nonsense at all. We are trapped within this particular dimension. Whilst they now exist within another. I always see it as, in order to experience this life we need the fleshy vehicle to ground us here. Like a car, our energy sits within the skin. So we might experience all the sensations this dimension has to offer. When we die it’s like our car broke down and we had to get out and walk. We are still the same person we just lost the use of our car. Does that make sense? Judd has had to get out and walk. You can’t see him, but he is there. Problem is, we have to rely on faith I guess whatever that type of faith is for yourself, that his energy still exists and is around you. Like Einstein said, energy doesn’t die, so where does it go? I am always trying to feel my loved ones energy
Now who sounds a crack pot 😂😜💗
No...you don't. The strange thing is that is exactly what I believe. I do.know he exists and I do feel him around but I can't truly 'know' him in his new state
...along the lines of where he lives now, what it's like there what are his experiences now. In that sense I can never truly know him again because there is little communication that makes sense to human brains. He has become the 'impossible' and does that massive transformation change the essence of the earth person?? Is he still who.we knew in life because earthly identity is a completely different thing from 'eternal' consciousness...oh fuck...I can't find any peace with this!! Lol...we better delete this thread soon. Still, how it helps to talk Gwen...I will PM you soon love...as soon as I can see through the fog I'm in at the moment...lots of hugs ❤️❤️❤️
I know it’s different and impersonal now. We don’t hear laughs, we don’t share ideas or moments of physical connection. There is nothing tangible in death. Just empty space where they should fit and be. And that’s what we have to learnt to live with. That won’t change. That loss is very real. Which is why I don’t believe in closure. I just believe death changes us. Reshapes our thinking and emotional attachment to things. Judd was your baby, that in itself will change you because it’s a maternal pain that can’t be replaced by anything other than Judd himself 💗 Sending lots of love Marion, please know am thinking of you. Just take each day as it comes my friend. There should never be pressure put on how we grieve xx
Will be in touch soon...your friendship and understanding mean so much to me
❤️❤️❤️
❤️🌷lots of love xx
I really think Gwen has said it all in her comment. So deep raw and emotional. All I can offer are big hugs....remember its 3 forever. Px 🌻
And I thankyou for the comment and the hugs lovely lady, sending hugs right back at you 🤗🤗🤗😘
What an elegantly delivered stream of beautiful pain.....of longings purity.....and love's foreverness!!.......Pinned!!......LOVE & ROCKETS!!......T xo : )
Thanks so Much Tony...your words mean so much...hugs 💕
🌹💙🌹
Ohhh....this is so packed with despair that I just know the ink you used is tears. Hugs Marion. Lots of em x
It feels as though there is no other kind of ink left sometimes Tina. I also know that it is a universal and bottomless well that half the world swims in...permanently. I find I struggle with the whole concept of life these days...hugs 💕