My game of dice

It’s strange,
My game of dice... and the way,
For me,
 they did throw.
I don’t look at my self though,
And feel defeated,
Or even feel sorrow.
Even though each day I feel a little more depleted,
More than yesterday,
But less than tomorrow....
Can I go forever,
Like a boxing champion,
 Undefeated?
I feel sorry for those around me and my,
Sometimes,
Solidarity.
Constantly,
With good reason worrying,
About when is my cancer going to catch up,
 Devouring me Whole,
 like a snake would swallow me.
That’s why I feel a burden,
Like most,
I don’t want to cause my loved ones any further worry,
Anguish or even pain....
I just want them all to lead normal lives,
Over and over,
Again and again and again....
 since constantly living through it,
 since Christmas eve of 04’,
I’ve felt a burden on those around me,
Everyday,
Just that little bit more.
Kids,
Family,
Partners and friends.
I’ll feel a burden on every one,
Right to my demise,
And my seemingly eventual end.
It’s strange,
My game of dice and the way,
For me,
 they did throw.
I don’t look at my self though,
And feel defeated,
Or even feel sorrow,
Even though each day I feel a little more depleted,
More than yesterday,
But less than tomorrow....
Can I go on forever,
Like a boxing champion,
Undefeated?
6 weeks after chemo,
Back in May,
of 2005,
Only 6 weeks left,
 for me to survive,
Thank god for my drs advice,
As without it,
I’d never be sat here,
Still alive....
Then after a week,
I rapidly decreased and went from 6 down to four.
Especially in those scary few weeks,
I could see all the hurt,
Pain and tears,
Coming from all around me,
Of which MY problems,
Rippled through everyone that knows me,
Causing despair.
That’s why i feel a burden,
But wait there’s more of a story here....
It’s strange,
My game of dice and the way,
For me,
 they did throw.
I don’t look at my self though,
And feel defeated,
Or even feel sorrow,
Even though each day I feel a little more depleted,
More than yesterday,
But less than tomorrow....
Can I go on forever,
Like a boxing champion,
Undefeated?
 my cancer and I,
although it doesn't show,
Makes me feel a burden on people around me,
More than anyone.. would ever know....
It’s been In me since a teenager at 15,
Found out at 19,
No second opinion on my first tumour to be removed at 17,
So left me in the hands of physio,
An Achilles strain?
 is what was apparently causing my foots weakness,
 and inability to put weight on,
because of the searing hot pain.
now for the rest of my life,
I’m never going to trust that hospital again.
It’s strange,
My game of dice and the way,
For me,
 they did throw.
I don’t look at my self though,
And feel defeated,
Or even feel sorrow,
Even though each day I feel a little more depleted,
More than yesterday,
But less than tomorrow....
Can I go on forever,
Like a boxing champion,
Undefeated?
Not caring for me properly at 17,
As the Dr had no second opinion,
 on my ‘non' malignant tumour ,
Which He should have had and there should have been,,
And saved me a life of burden and continuous pain....
I was only a child really,
So a second opinion,
Surely we should have seen.
There wasn’t,
It’s why i now feel like a weight on everyone,
A massive burden....
A rock,
Sinking everyone to the bottom,
 of a bottomless sea.
It’s strange,
My game of dice and the way,
For me,
 they did throw.
I don’t look at my self though,
And feel defeated,
Or even feel sorrow,
Even though each day I feel a little more depleted,
More than yesterday,
But less than tomorrow....
Can I go on forever,
Like a boxing champion,
Undefeated?
they say my futures bleak,
But what do they know,
15 yrs and I’m still here,
Fighting to be fit,
Not ready to go.
I’ll always smile and be happy,
Not letting my illness show.
How can others be happy with me,
If I’m bleak,
Depressed or low.
They can’t,
So happiness is all I’ll ever know!
Right up to the end of my adventure,
Nowhere near finished yet,
I’ve said,
‘’I’m not leaving,
At least until i'm in dentures!
So that’s my life till now you know.
My game of dice and the way,
For me,
 they did throw.
I don’t look at my self though,
And feel defeated,
Or even feel sorrow,
Even though each day I feel a little more depleted,
More than yesterday,
But less than tomorrow....
Can I go on forever,
Like a boxing champion,
Undefeated?
Only my body holds that answer,
So to that end,
it's a bit of a mystery,
Even I don’t know!