My hole

This hole inside me
Makes me feel so lonley,
Left out, not undestood
I wanna talk I wanna scream I wish I could
It's making me shivering and shaking
Smiling but faking
And all because I'm not alone
Alone in my room where I escape my doom, 
But no I am with you, 
Fears of you judging every step I take,                        desicion I make 
And when you talk to me if nice or not
My chest gets tight my cheeks get hot
Because this hole inside me 
Hides my real real  personality 
For you I'm could be too loud to witty 
Not special and fun , not smart or pretty 
I'm judging myself as much as you judge me
I'm hiding myself so that no one can see
This hole it's hidden very deep like its not there                     
you never knew, you never will and you don't care 
This hole is eating love and joy
Strength and happiness are all destroyed 
I wanna wanna change, run away, be the prefect girl that doesn't exist 
Not the anxious psychotic sad girl that covers the scars on her wrist
One day this hole might make me say 
Goodbye to the lonley days, the sleppless nights 
The crying, the pressure the frights
Everyone is scared of this special goodbye
But I'm not 
Because I sometimes believe 
That this place will be my only relieve