My mother

You saw me crawl...climb...run and walk
You saw me whisper...mumble and talk

You saw me happy...mad...sad and most of the time just lost for words
You saw me struggling...in pain...you just knew exactly where it hurt

You had the power to stop me...to fuel my engine and put faith within me
You had the power to erase my memory...to give me peace and place me there where I truly wanted to be

You had the power to bring me on my knees...open my eyes and make me see and believe
You had the power to illuminate the darkness I carried...with a touch... until only light was left

But yet we didn't get along
We made so many mistakes...everything we tried went wrong...from bad to worse

But yet we didn't get along
We failed each other...losing to our demons...feeling cursed

But yet we didn't get along
Not even until the very end...both unhappy and incomplete...one alive and one dead

Was it so hard for us to be just a mother to a son and the other way around
Was it so hard for us to be kind to each other, not make a sound and be quiet for once

Now that you're gone...I did forgive...I spoke to you... said to you what I said
Now that you're gone...every day hits me different

Sometimes I cherish the moments we had together and never want to let go
Sometimes I don't know what to do, but to cry myself to sleep...hoping it's eternal

Sometimes I am angry at you for leaving the way that you did
Sometimes I am scared of seeing you again...laying empty and silent on that same hospital bed

But yet you lived, you were here once...as a mother of five children
and one day my time here will be done...my game over...and for us the possibility to start over

How it should've been all along, right mom?!

R.I.P mom
12/04/1975-11/08/2023