My muse

I stumble to find it...crumble inbetween answers..wrong or right I remain just out of its reach and hardly out of sight..shackled by memory's, anchored  and drowning in a sea where nobody belongs except me..I thought it resided in us but my shattered heart speaks for all 3 of us..I tell myself to turn and look away so I glance in every direction but find nothing but my own reflection and no muse..I fight this battle in the dark clutching onto my own existence hoping one day this dream will end..but I see now that this is no dream..it's reality and In my reality the lights are off..no breeze, no trees ,and no grass..no air to breath  ..I am lonely and have been used..so in my own dark,treeless,breeze less reality how could there ever possibly be this so called.."muse"?