OH OUR BERTIE!

" Oh our Bertie will ya stop ya chuffin wining! Ya look okay! "

" But look our Gertie! It`s not just falling out, it`s going white!

That`s worse than going bloody grey! "

" Right pally me lad! I`ve just about had me fill

So it`s off to the chemists with you and me today! "

" What the bloody chuff for? There`s no magic pill is there? "

" No but there`s a bottle with your bloody name on it!

And don`t you fret it`ll be there!

I`ll get ya bloody sorted with that soddin hair! "

So off they trot, to Boots was their aim

Peace and quiet was Gertie`s game.

At the front of the queue she did wait

She`d got his bottle and just couldn`t wait to get back home

Her nerves with all his winging were in a right old state...

So there he stood in the nuddy just incase it all went wrong

He just sat there in his holey socks, gibbering with trembling hands

He brooded!..." What if me mates come round?

Would they still think me a man? "

" Oh Lord! What am I about to do with my poor old Bertie?

What if I get it wrong? " Said a very frazzled Gertie!...

" Okay me duck, here we go

Bend that bloody head for me, down real low "

" What colour am I havin?

I suppose it won`t matter "

" Green with pink chuffin bloody spots

Now keep soddin still!...

Oh eck our Bertie! You`ve made a splatter!

Now me nice new rug`s messed up

I`d better get the bleach and a mop "

" Hurry up our Gertie me duck, it`s gettin bloody cold! "

Oh Lord he prays!... Why do I have to be nearly bald?!

And to make matters worse, it`s going bloody white

My hair used to be just right!

" Will ya bloody get a move on our Gertie?!!

In`t it time? Ya said wash it off about half nine! "

" I know I bloody did!

Blood and sand! Can`t ya wash ya own bloody hair?

Just look at the mess you`ve made on me new bloody chair!

Oh Lord!..And me nice new rug!

Look our Bertie! Right in the chuffin middle where people will bloody stare! "

" Ooh eck! I`ll do it me duck don`t you fret!

It`ll be okay, but ya know how I hate gettin bloody wet!

Suffering ducks! How the bloody hell do I wash me skin?!

Chuffin heck, I`ve gone all black!!

Now all me bloody wrinkles have got it in! "

" Oh come here ya dozy twit and I`ll try and wash it off with the bleach! "

Sufferin ducks and Jesus Christ! Ya`ve got no bloody chance!

I`ll use the soap just fine!

Oh look at the state of me now! And I was going out with the lads for a pint! "

" Oh stop ya bloody wining our Bertie for heavens bloody sake!

Eeh but ya do look funny, now ya`re in a right old state! "

G xx