OUR BERTY

" Oh our Berty will ya stop ya chuffin whining, ya look okay! "

" But look our Gerty! it`s not just falling out!

It`s gone white! That`s bloody worse than going bloody grey! "

" That`s it our Berty I`ve just about had me fill!

So it`s off to the chemist with you and me today! "

" What the eck for? there`s no magic pill is there? "

" No but there`s a bottle with ya chuffin name on it and don`t ya worry pally me old lad

I`ll get ya sorted with that soddin hair. "

So off they went

To the chemist was their aim

Peace and quiet was Gerty`s game.

In the queue she did wait.

She`d got the bottle! boy was she in a state!

Just to get on home, oh Lordy! she couldn`t wait.

Her nerves with his whining were in a right old mess!

Later on, there he stood in the nuddy in case anything went wrong!

He just sat there waiting with trembling hands!

Thinking what if his mates came knocking?

Would they still think him a man?!

" Oh Lord! what am I about to do with my poor old Berty?

What if it goes bloody wrong!? "

Said a worried and frazzled Gerty!

" Okey doke me duck! here we go!

Bend ya head for me, down real low "

" What colour am I aving?! "

" Pink with green bloody spots! now keep bloody still "

" Brown would be nice! but I don`t think it really matters! "

" Oh our Berty! now look what you`ve chuffin done!!

You`ve made a flippin splatter!

Now me nice new rug`s got all messed up

I`d better go get the bleach and the soddin mop!

" Hurry up me duck! it`s bloody cold!

Oh Lordy!  why do I have to be nearly bald?

And to make matters worse! it`s gone soddin white!!

Me hair used to be just bloody right!! "

Will ya get a bloody move on our Gerty!

In`t it time?

Ya said wash it off about half nine! "

" I know I did me duck!

Oh chuffin heck! can`t ya wash ya own soddin hair?

Just look at the bloody mess you`ve made of me new chair!

And the new bloody rug!!

Oh bloody ell! look at it now our Berty!

Right in the bloody middle where people will soddin stare! "

" Oh eck me duck! I`m sorry!!

I`ll do it meself then, don`t you fret!

But ya know how I hate getting bloody wet!

Oh stuffin chuff! how do I wash me bloody skin?

Look I`ve gone all black!

I thought it was goin to be brown!

Now all me bloody wrinkles have got it in! "

" Oh come here our Berty, I`ll try to get it out with the soddin bleach! "

" OH MY GOD!! NO BLOODY STUFFIN CHANCE!!!

I`ll use as much bloody soap as I can!

Oh our Gerty! look at the bloody state of me now!!

I was goin out with the lads for a pint!! "

" Oh stop ya bloody whinin our Berty for heavens bloody sake!!!

Ooo but ya do look funny me duck!!!

Now you`re in a right bloody state!! "

G xx