One in the Same

Fire and ice are one in the same,

as they bring different, yet equally intense, pain.

Not just physically, or literally, but mentally as well.

The devil toys with me by freezing and burning my hell.

But this is not an afterlife possibility, for me it is reality.

I live in Hell. What I mean by that is I am simply not well.

Allow me to explain what I mean. 

The flame in my soul burns brighter than my future seems to be.

Instead of extinguishing the fire, you add kerosene.

The fire isn't love, or incredible excitement,

but an everlasting anxiety, a fear of being no good,

a lack of self esteem, a pain to intense I can barely breathe.

It swelters like the summer sun.

It has become the center of my life, the cause of my strife,

and my focus revolves around it as the planets do the sun.

The all-consuming pain of this burning fever

becomes a part of my existence, never to leave.

As my heart strings begin to fray from this internal inferno,

you notice my struggle of hanging on by a thread.

How have you become aware of this?

It is solely attributed to the visible concern of others,

never your own empathy.

You have none, you are empty.

The selfishness inside your pyromaniac-geared brain shifts to ice,

it drives you to be the freezing rain to put out the flame.

You offer to smother the burning in my being,

but if you end the raging hurt that has become a part of me,

even a segment of your own life,

wouldn't you be ending mine?

You care not and begin to douse the vigor of my heart

in the cold, rushing waters of your actions and words.

The once burning embers inside of my being

turn to ice, freezing over my wavering soul.

I become numb, and continue to succumb to your abuse and control.

"Leave, isolated yourself,"

I am told. But they have no idea of the strength of your hold.

I cannot escape, no matter how hard I try.

I squirm and wiggle to become free.

Fire and ice are not the only pair that are one in the same.

How can I flee from the immaterial demon (who shifts the fire and ice in my mind)

when I am him, and he is me?