Only if you have been there....

I put the stereo on as I sink slowly into a pitiful darkened lonely slum.here we go again,same shit and it makes no difference to me that a new day has begun.
Folk, well they just don't get it,n they never will,to them it's just a greed for another quick selfish dirty hit,their fulfilling life's go forward while mine stays frustratingly still (because I'm stuck on this shit.)
This is my everyday now,I can't be myself without it somehow.its like heroin has replaced my soul and claiming my body and my mind is its one and only terrifying goal.
To think I once had ambition,I once had a family,I once had real friends,but the crap made sure that all good I possessed was brought abruptly to an end.
It's the red angry determined and evil devil in disguise,though to start with it was the fluffy soft clouds of heaven to my eyes.
It stripped me of all dignity I had ever claimed, it ensured my parents and lover were beyond ashamed.
My eyes close as I drift to my personal illusional place,skeletal, sweaty but I'm still alive my heart barely reminds me as it reduces its pace.
A dirty length of frayed elastic and a needle that had fed my veins several times before lay at one hand,and my old stained hoodie lay at the other. "Why did You even touch this poison" I hear painfully echoing in my head (the last words of my beloved secure warm and very beautiful mother.)
Hopes, dreams and wants turned slowly but definitely to me struggling to cope,screams and ever lasting taunts.
Repeat repeat repeat...repeat this sordid routine each day I'm on this earth,and the inevitably sad thing is I probably will do so until I'm taken by this disgusting crap to the solidness of my death.
If I could relive my time and start a new life - I'd keep away from drugs and make my girlfriend my wife.I would give her all she asked for plus so much more, spend my money on her and my children rather than my next score.i would look after myself and get into better health. I'd protect my wife from worry and depression as I walked further into my 'new self' and progression.id make sure I never looked back and never desired more, because too many times I saw my loved ones hearts tore......xxx