our unspoken bond....

Our unspoken bond

I know they are there and they know  I’m here, 
For how much longer though? 
What it must feel like for my kids ,
When I,
Myself,
can’t hide my fear.
They just pick themselves up to their feet,
Taking each day as it comes,
Tackling,
Head on,
Anything that on our journey of our fate we meet.
They remind me of,
Well,
Me.
We have an unspoken bond,
That is clear to see.
You’ll see it every night when they,
All 3,
Snuggled right up next to me.
Watching re runs of their favourite cartoons or films on the living room t.v.

They are all massively strong willingly,
 put to the back of their already fragile minds.
Concentrating on the here and now,
And not our futures binds.. 
From smiles that stretch for infinite miles,
Laughter echoing in the halls of time,
All the while.

Sometimes though,
They go into fighter mode.
Little balls of destruction from my 7,
9 and 13 year old.
How I find it so hard to keep those emotions under control,
How do they do It as they’re growing up though?
Must be so hard knowing what they know,
Having a funeral conversation with my 7 year old.
From questions he’s asked,
He shouldn’t have these problems sagging down his little heart.
Just excepting it,
Asking me,
How many years life do you have left daddy?
With a cheeky smile after the serious expression gone,
Instantly switching to tell me about a game he’s currently on.
I’m sure he just forgot that dreaded question.
Although I will have to tell them all,
If I’m given the death confirmation.
How do you tell that to your kids though?
Without bursting into tears,
How do you stop them cascading down my face,
How do you make them go?
I’m choked having to tell all three that daddy may die soon.
How daddies dance with life is going out like a dwindling flame.
How I’m sorry that when I’m gone nothing in their world will be the same.
But please promise me that you’ll all try hard at school,
Learn,
And unless in a play or drama,
then don’t be a class clown and entertain.
Use school,
As it should be,
As a stepping stone.
Helping you to transgress from boy to man.
Don’t mess things up and get spilled out of lifes' frying pan.
Enjoy your learning and let your wings expand.
Learning can keep you here or can have you travelling over many lands.

If it is my time,
 then just do me proud.
If needed,
Be like me,
Shout out loud.
Let people into your life that will only provide light,
No over hanging cloud.
I’m sure that no matter what any of you do,
You’re sure to all make this dad extra super proud! 
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