Out of the shadows

For two and a half months I've not been here, my mind a mess, my life not clear. 
Utter turmoil pulling at me, dragging me down onto my knees. 
Question's asked..."Why am I here?"...to feel this pain, to feel it sear. 
To feel so low, to not go out, to wonder what life is all about. 
I've read the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, to pull me out of this inner dull. 
I've listened to everything Alan Watts had to say, to lift my life from utter dismay. 
And finally now the past two weeks, my life has found a whole new speak. 
I think I've gone through 'The dark night of the soul!' The shroud is lifting, I have a goal. 
To live my life without a care, to live my life with full on dare. 
To pick myself up off the floor, to just be me...like I was before. 
To smile, to laugh, to not give a shit, no woman needed to give me a hit. 
To just live in the moment, cos that's all we have, don't seek for the future, don't look in the past.
Just be at one, in peace, serene, what's past is past, what's been has been. 
I have found at last, what's always been there, my inner self, who's life I share. 
So I'm hoping now this path stays strong and to keep on singing this brand new song. 
What shade you feel, what darkness you know...is so you can find that light to glow. 
What darkened days you wallow through...is so you can find the light in you.
"Note to self: I still feel weirdly numb... I do feel numb?" What's that about?