Pain Can Motivate
Yesterdays slowly became cheerful, as the dark past slowly fades, I cannot wait for todays to become decades, for when it does it’ll be nearly impossible to be afraid, day by day the time evolves change, lifelong patterns are the hardest to break, lifelong problems don’t have to become lifelong mistakes, the future always remains, Only you decide…
Only you can change the outcome, keep playing the blame game or grow up, keep hating your reflection or reflect on your image, pain creates hate or pain can motivate, pain can motivate change.Â
Only you decide, you can continue to hide or you can expose each and every flaw, to overcome is to accept, to accept is to dissect, dissecting may be the hardest step, many things forced to forget, we must visit those threats one by one, we must desire to grow a million more times than to fail, pain is beauties fuel source…
I hated who I was, I contemplated ending it all, I abused every available drug, I drank 7 days a week to remain numb, I hated mirrors for my eyes reminded me of all the fears, I was narcissistic to a level that tv cannot express nor any book you have read, if I can take a pattern since birth and create a new algorithm to success then anyone can find success!Â
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Comments
As a child I never had any counseling or any diagnoses. At age 30 was diagnosed with adhd, bipolar disorder, split personalities, I’m also autistic and it effects my social interactions as I’m brutally honest to a point if misunderstood will hurt others feelings.Â
Growing up without a father, subject to many men taking advantage of my mom, 3 more kids to come, a stepdad that liked hitting my mom, emotionally, socially, sexually abused, emancipated at age 16, teenage pregnancy, a failed marriage ….
BOTTOM OF THE BARRELÂ
until I moved 16 hours away from the environment that caused all the pain , I wasn’t able to feel safe. I thought my life was how everyone’s life is or was, because when you’re deep into these patterns, it’s all you know!Â
Met a woman ( nomorepromises her profile name on here) that loved me so much she battled every fight by my side until she no longer could, and through the pain of losing her it forced motivation to take place, for six months I drank every day, writing poetry, and until the kind words and support of Cosmofunnel I felt like I was all alone . fast-forward to today, that teenage son that I’ve had joint custody of his entire life graduated high school breaking a lifelong generational pattern that his mom and I both belonged to as being dropouts with GED’s, the same week he graduated my other son turned 1 and I have been happily married for three years to my beautiful wife Kayleen. I’m 100% sober and have been for a long time as I do therapy twice a week. For 20 years I was the victim and for the last three years I have been the change! I have had more success and growth and happiness in the last three years than the last 33 years of my existence yielded to provide. I’m not saying this for sympathy. I’m saying this because I feel like at one point there was a time where I felt like everything was so overwhelming that there couldn’t be a better path or I couldn’t have the energy or the power or the support to change! I strongly recommend to anyone that is going through tough times if possible seek a new environment that the trauma does not exist in and I think you will be starting off on the right path !Â
Pain motivates change, allow it!Â