Poem -

pen to paper

Got my 13 yr old son,
Thinking and putting pen to paper,
The 1st rap he wrote,
My god but he had me choked,
Wanting me to survive,
Wanting my cancer gone,
Not death around the corner,
Like,
‘’BOO,
 SUPRISE,
I’m dead,
I’m gone''

The only comfort to take from life is that essentially we all live,
And strive too be alive.
But then around that corner,
Fate and Accidents happen,
or we simply get ill,
sometimes in pain and die.
How do you explain to your kids you have cancer,
How the odds are against our family,
Constantly living in limbo,
I see it in each of my kids eyes.
Waking up worrying,
With thoughts of me and my cancer,
Constantly on their minds
‘‘ how long does dad have left on this planet,
 with us to survive?’’

Got my 12 yr old son,
Thinking and putting pen to paper,
The 1st rap he wrote,
My god but he had me choked,
Wanting me to survive,
Wanting my cancer gone,
Not death around the corner,
Like,
‘’BOO,
 SUPRISE,
I’m dead,
I’m gone''

It kills me you know.
Each and every second,
Down to the nano seconds we spend together I cherish.
Without being spoilt to much,
In their lives,
I do as much and more as I can
I try to grant every wish.
I love their smiles and happiness,
Although I know in the deepest and darkest parts of their brain,
My fate,
Is heckling at them and whittling them down,
more than their own. 
got one 7,
One 9 and my eldest is 13 ya know,
If you met any of them in person,
You wouldn’t know what true feelings they are hiding,
Not until they know you,
And trust you to confide in...

Got my 12 yr old son,
Thinking and putting pen to paper,
The 1st rap he wrote,
My god but he had me choked,
Wanting me to survive,
Wanting my cancer gone,
Not death around the corner,
Like,
‘’BOO,
 SUPRISE,
I’m dead,
I’m gone''

My kids aren’t stupid,
They’ve all got their complex brains to show.
They’re forward and bright,
Sometimes shy,
 still with plenty of smiles,
Each nano mile,
In their steps they go.
They already know fate can sometimes cruelly intervene,
Halting life in its tracks,
For anyone,
 for every living human being.
No matter your age,
Race or place in society,
‘Fate is inexorable’,
So what will be,
Will be... 

Got my 12 yr old son,
Thinking and putting pen to paper,
The 1st rap he wrote,
My god but he had me choked,
Wanting me to survive,
Wanting my cancer gone,
Not death around the corner,
Like,
‘’BOO,
 SUPRISE,
I’m dead,
I’m gone''

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Comments

author
sparrowsong

Hello James...

You've been fighting for so long...

Your Strength and Courage is and has been amazing to me...

I know I've left comments before but, I don't think you know how much of inspiration you are and your family must be in awe to know what and how you fight everyday...

Thank you for sharing your journey...

Great write!

Best wishes and blessings!

Hugs...

sparrowsong

Reply
author
james bevan

thank you. your words are always so lovely. thank you for all your messages as encourages me to write more. I've chosen not to put some up as too painful and raw.... seems like my 13 yr old is following in my writing footsteps. he writes lyrics mainly. he's recorded 2 songs in june just gone. one about my fight against cancer and love for my family but then a really deep one about depression and saying people like him will always be there to help you through! I think he will be more talented than me as he's started writing so early. i only started when their mum left Jan 02 2017. yet have written a lifetime down lol. thank u again xx

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