Pissed off

Pissed off! 
Thats all I feel as im moving on to a better opportunity.
Usually people are
Enthused
Ecstatic
Nervous.
Pissed off!
Thats where im at.
Freshman year of high school I remember walking in with brand new high quality five star notebooks ready to start freshman year.
While a month in someone decided life wasnt all it was cracked up to be. 
Death was not a concept my freshman mind understood.
I thought death was just a right of passage. 
That tears did not need to be drawn. 
So what? 
Pissed off! 
Sophmore year, I walk in with brand new squeeky sneakers ready to run from my problems.
Halfway through the year someone else decided that life was not worth living
That death sounded better than life.
As a sophmore I heard all this before,
Tears did not come but worried staff and students shuffled through the halls. 
Pissed off!
Depression began and I felt more confused than ever!
Hiding my feelings was the easiest thing to do like a bird learning to fly. Or a chimp learning to climb. 
Pissed off! 
Junior year
Upper class man!
Top of the world! 
I walked into class as if I was an untouchable!
Like nothing can stop me. 
With tears rushing down everyones face’s it seemed as though someone turned the water systems on. 
With another student checked out.
Pissed off! 
Senior year! 
The depression grew to out standing strengths. 
Standing ontop of that bridge with my life behind me pushing me forward. 
As if thats all there was left. 

A month later emotions flew 
Death was no longer a joke and more of a disease. 
Like Cancer
I remember that night.
Sitting ontop of that counter scrolling through facebook with a smile on my face. 
And my eyes coming across the name associated with loss. 
Tears fell. 
Saddness so crippling 
Agonizing
Numbing
I could not handle any more with my foot off the ledge I decided in an instant with one simple decision.
Pissed off!
As I sit in the back of the police car hand cuffed and taken to the hospital for attempt of suicide. 
I learn things about myself like depression is real. bi polar and depression mixed together creates a massive storm that if cuaght out of hand could end in a tsunami.
Pissed off as the end of the year came 
Death started to spiral and number five made the choice. 
Pissed off!
At this point you start to question are the pills helping?