Please forgive me

I kneel down on my knees, put my hands together, close my eyes, and pray to the lord. I tell him that I know we haven't talked in a long time and promise to pray more but never follow through after I'm finished praying. I beg for forgiveness of my sins and ask for help and what I want in life to grow happy old with a wife. I wear the symbol of your son around my neck almost everyday and pictures of his mother around my wrist. But the truth is I still commit sins with these hands being washed by the devil. I feel as if my mother and you cry. You are always with me and watching me disrespect your wishes of me to earn my entry into Paradise. I just think I need to slow down, take a breath and think of you before I do something you would hate to see me do. I love you more than the stars and the planets and this is for all the times I took you for granted. I'm trying to be a better man for myself and for you my father, my lord, my savior, but I countinue to struggle, I won't give up on making you proud of me, If you can hear me, please don't give up on me. Please forgive me.