Psychosis

I was only nineteen and had an uncontrollable thirst for amphetimine 

In those days I didn't drink. There were no seditives to control the dark thoughts my mind could think 

One night without sleep lead to two, three and four

I never knew you could hallucinate without sleep but I was about to find out for sure

I'm lying awake, each breath that I take is amplified, I can hear the sweat dripping from my own pours

My stomach is gurgling, I hear my parents in the next room stiring. They too can hear it I'm sure

They're whispering to themselves that somethings not right. I hear them whisper that their son is on drugs, and I must be taking them for mugs, and that I've been tossing and turning all night.

I can't stand to evesdrop anymore.

I'm sure I'm cought, so I decide to abort and pull my jeans on and I'm off out the bedroom door.

I rush downstairs, not bothered who hears. As I reach the bottom I hear Mam shout 'Don't go'!

In the living room I pace, covincing myself I'm a discrace. I'm a dissapointed and let down to my parents I know.

My thoughts continue to whirl. A horror plot in my head unfurls. I've gave them a fright, so what can I do to put things right? I can't take this inner turmoil anymore

I'll buy Mam some flowers, with a message inside where I'll apologise and promise to do drugs no more 

I don't know what to do next. Upstairs I can here them, plotting and planning. I'm dreading confrontation, the explanation of why I'm so wired and in a mess

This is torture, I think I'll just go up and confront them, get it off my chest

I creep upstairs, I can hear them snoring it's still only 5.30 in the morning but I know it's all just an act. They're faking. I know they are thinking about what I've  been snorting or taking. My spidy senses adapt.

I creep inside their room. I want to get this showdown done soon so I can accept my judgement and finaly just relax 

I hover over my dad. His acted sleeping face looks so relaxed and sad. I get inches from his face, I know he's acting, I feel terrified and nervous inside

Just then when I'm about to wake him his eyes open wide. Looking shocked to see me in front of his face

What? What are you doing? are the first words out his mouth and I realise all this could have been a mistake

They were not planning, they were not plotting, it's almost too much for my fragile mind to take. I imagined the lot, no more amphetamine, this been the baddest of bad dreams